Quilting when you're angry/hurt/upset
12-08-2010, 03:30 AM
#61
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 8
This is actually a wonderful story of self actualization. My divorce was just finalized and I find myself in a similar situation as you were in--'foreclosure'. This bolsters my courage and gives me hope that with the help of God I will be able to move my life in a better direction. Thank you for sharing.
12-08-2010, 03:56 AM
#62
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,087
I have a few stress relief projects, and they are simple things to do, like chain piecing. I also look at my Quilting books and mags, and plan a project. My job is stressful, and this is my therapy.
And to all those who use the term Survivor - I choose to be a Thriver now! I am thriving like a weed.
And to all those who use the term Survivor - I choose to be a Thriver now! I am thriving like a weed.
12-08-2010, 05:35 AM
#63
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 1,389
Originally Posted by 2livesdown7togo
When I'm angry or upset I can't concentrate. I'm here looking at all my WIP's and crying yet again.
Six years ago I left everything behind (career, family, support network and country) to be with a smooth talking guy (lot of vague answers to my questions and lots of vague promises). We married nearly five years ago and it's never been smooth sailing. Because we live in two places, he has work but I can't unless it's portable.
Married less than 1 1/2 years, he found a new g/f. I confronted him and he swore it was a mistake and would not be repeated. Along with that he began to drink progressively more heavily. It's now a very isolating existence and this summer I didn't travel with him (my nightly entertainment would be to listen to him drunk dialing). We met up for his daughter's wedding and he brought up divorce. Every time he's unhappy he decides getting rid of me will make him feel better. Oh yeah, and swore no new g/f, turns out it was a lie. So even though we didn't marry for the first two years we knew each other, it turns out I got a lying, cheating, drunk. The three things I swore I'd never have in my marriage. But I'm the problem, because I speak up.
And now that my future is gone (emotionally and financially, good luck getting my career back), I'm immobilized. I'm highly educated and had a great career going, just believed in someone else's view of the future. For the first time in a life that I've always taken care of without help from anyone, I'm scared.
But I'll do whatever it takes to not invest a single day more in this than I absolutely have to, I'm worth more than that no matter what he talks himself into believing.
And when I can finally concentrate on quilts, they'll be more special.
I suppose I spewed all this as my way of saying FVGoddess, NEVER look back at the man who doesn't treat you well. And keep expressing yourself by creating things of beauty to send out into the world.
And to everyone who sees this, thank you for indulging me, I have no one to go to and once in awhile it all just gets to be more than I can handle. I don't normally have a need to share my private life, but I guess this pushed my buttons today.
Six years ago I left everything behind (career, family, support network and country) to be with a smooth talking guy (lot of vague answers to my questions and lots of vague promises). We married nearly five years ago and it's never been smooth sailing. Because we live in two places, he has work but I can't unless it's portable.
Married less than 1 1/2 years, he found a new g/f. I confronted him and he swore it was a mistake and would not be repeated. Along with that he began to drink progressively more heavily. It's now a very isolating existence and this summer I didn't travel with him (my nightly entertainment would be to listen to him drunk dialing). We met up for his daughter's wedding and he brought up divorce. Every time he's unhappy he decides getting rid of me will make him feel better. Oh yeah, and swore no new g/f, turns out it was a lie. So even though we didn't marry for the first two years we knew each other, it turns out I got a lying, cheating, drunk. The three things I swore I'd never have in my marriage. But I'm the problem, because I speak up.
And now that my future is gone (emotionally and financially, good luck getting my career back), I'm immobilized. I'm highly educated and had a great career going, just believed in someone else's view of the future. For the first time in a life that I've always taken care of without help from anyone, I'm scared.
But I'll do whatever it takes to not invest a single day more in this than I absolutely have to, I'm worth more than that no matter what he talks himself into believing.
And when I can finally concentrate on quilts, they'll be more special.
I suppose I spewed all this as my way of saying FVGoddess, NEVER look back at the man who doesn't treat you well. And keep expressing yourself by creating things of beauty to send out into the world.
And to everyone who sees this, thank you for indulging me, I have no one to go to and once in awhile it all just gets to be more than I can handle. I don't normally have a need to share my private life, but I guess this pushed my buttons today.
Peggy
Peggy
12-08-2010, 05:45 AM
#64
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: In hiding
Posts: 454
Yes and I have an entire basket of different blocks that I made for no special quilt while I was calming down. From time to time I get some of my friends together and we pull out the basket and create lapquilts for the local VA hospital or to send to the troops overseas. I have a huge supply of plaid flannels we use for the backing and we just have loads of fun trying to match enough blocks to make up the top for the quilts. We won't do it now until after Christmas but I will take photos this time and post them when we do. With all the ice and snow we probably won't do it again until there is a melt down or warm up!
12-08-2010, 07:19 AM
#65
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 8
Sometimes you just have to express how you feel. I am in the same boat as you except I lost 26 years of my life to a an self-made under dog. His stories about his repression made me out to be the devil himself. It hit the fan when he had a massive coronary and was air lifted to a major hostital. When I got there I found out his 'wife' had already been to see him and I had to go to the security office to prove who I was. This was the beginning of the end. Hell rained down on me for his lies for two more months and now at 65 I'm facing starting a business to support myself. There's no explaining the why's of what other people.
12-08-2010, 07:43 AM
#66
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Heber City, UT
Posts: 542
Quilting is coping. There is nothing more satisfying than finishing a block, a quilt top, a binding. If the quilting makes me upset, I just have to get up and get out, take a drive, change my focus. I stitched two rows of roses upside down on a customer's quilt yesterday, and a trip to the fabric store for a couple of fat quarters calmed me down so I could get busy when I came back home.
12-08-2010, 08:52 AM
#67
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,703
Cool! I'm not the only one who quilts when upset. Sometimes I feel like the odd man out with my video game and heavy metal inspired quilt ideas so it feels good when I do find a common ground with other quilters.
And I knew I wasn't the only one who had a boyfriend who turned out to be a real jerk (again, not the wording I'd use. lol) and tried to make me out to be the devil itself, but its good to hear other stories about moving on from crappy relationships.
I'm so glad I never finished that t-shirt quilt I was making for that jerk! Even worse if he actually got it! But I also like the band featured on those shirts (they're my favorite band!) so it will now be a quilt for ME! I've never actually gotten around to quilting anything for myself.
And I knew I wasn't the only one who had a boyfriend who turned out to be a real jerk (again, not the wording I'd use. lol) and tried to make me out to be the devil itself, but its good to hear other stories about moving on from crappy relationships.
I'm so glad I never finished that t-shirt quilt I was making for that jerk! Even worse if he actually got it! But I also like the band featured on those shirts (they're my favorite band!) so it will now be a quilt for ME! I've never actually gotten around to quilting anything for myself.
12-08-2010, 04:44 PM
#69
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: california
Posts: 33
When I fell stressed i turn on my christain music and set and quilt it relazes me and sooth my soul and mind it makes me happy to quilt something because i usally end up giving it away and i know that person that i choose to give it to really loves it.
12-08-2010, 06:17 PM
#70
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Illinois & Wisconsin
Posts: 824
Come to the Quilting Board. That will help you, believe me. It takes your mind off your problems and you can even learn a new skill. Take care. I spent 50 years of my life angry and miserable. A few years ago I had a serious emotional breakdown. I separated myself from my husband for a couple of months (I was lucky enough to be able to do that easily as we have two homes). I cleared my mind and began to look at myself instead of others. I realized that I was taking EVERYTHING that happened personally, as a personal attack. My epiphony (spelling?) came when I realized that everything was not about me and I began to change the way I received messages in my head. It has been a while now and I am doing so much better. I am so much happier and almost never angry. Now if I get upset I resolve the issue immediately quietly and calmly and then move on. A really NEW me. I hope just knowing that there are many of us out there who struggle in life and with life helps you to feel less alone. At those times, I too, became paralyzed and ineffective. I hope that your anger passes quickly and you can get back to your love - quilting. Yolanda
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