behavior problem question
01-09-2011, 11:37 AM
#151
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 441
Good for you! I've taught for 31 years, and the biggest change I've seen in all that time is with parents not teaching consequences for actions. I think that punishment absolutely fit the crime! Keep up the good work. What you did was not at all cruel, but a chance to teach your grandchild.
01-09-2011, 11:43 AM
#152
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by sisLH
I need your help.
Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?
Our 8 year old grandson took a new Christmas toy from his 5 year old brother and broke it in anger. It wasn't an accident-it was a deliberate act of meanness.
This was a gift that my husband and I had bought. So I told the 8 yr old he had to make restituition -either by cash from piggy bank or by helping grandpa and I do some work. If he chose the cash, then he could get the cash back by working it off helping to clean, etc -some project.
The toy cost $15. He gave us $5. I did not tell him an amount to give as I knew he doesn't yet have that concept of money. He will get the $5 back. I just wanted him to know that he has to show restitution for his actions in lfe.
Well, I got alot of flack for this from family. What do you think-was it too strong of a punishment?
You are right in trying to teach him.
01-09-2011, 12:13 PM
#153
Power Poster
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 17,564
This is a great lesson to the older child. You don't damage what isn't yours! Ignore the flack, and I am sorry you had to hear it. Stick to your guns, how else is this child going to learn these lessons? How would he feel if it was his? I thing you did a wonderful thing here.
01-09-2011, 01:12 PM
#154
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3
Hi there.....I believe children need to understand the value of money also. My concern about the 8 year old is what precipitated this ( besides his siblings toy) ANGER/MEANESS and has he ever exhibited such flagrant behavior towards his brother or anyone else. If so then this problem needs to be addressed with his pediatrician.
crisimi
crisimi
01-09-2011, 01:23 PM
#155
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
Good for you. A good lesson that effected both children. The younger boy will know what to expect if he feels such anger one day. With our grandchildren, it was always - Grandparents' house means Grandparents' rules.
We have two sons who have told us many times that while they didn't always like it as children, they are grateful as adults that we gave them rules and consequences.They appreciate the good sense of values we instilled in them. That they always knew what to expect for both appropriate and inappropriate behaviors and they knew they couldn't use us against one another. At the age of 25, our younger son came to me and told me that he thought his dad and I had done a h... of a good job raising them. He thanked me and later thanked his dad. He told me most of his friends and others his age he was working with were so immature and didn't have good values because they weren't taught to them and nothing had been expected of them when they were younger. Our oldest agreed with him. They are both raising their children as we raised them. I'll tell you that made all of the difficult times raising them almost disappear from my mind because that made it all worth it. There had been times I wanted to give in and do it the easy way. I'm so thankful I didn't. So you should feel good about yourself and how you handled a tough situation and keep up the good work as a grandparent. Just try to ignore the family flack. I still get it from one sil now who raised her sons without too many rules and allowed them whatever they wanted. She and my husband's brother are having problems with them today and they are in their middle to late 40's. Loving children does not mean we let them do whatever they want to do. It means we give them the skills and values so they can survive life on their own once they are out in the world no matter what their age. When a child has no boundaries, the world can be a scary place because while they may not be able to control their anger, there should be loving adults in their lives to help them find the way and keep them safe. Sorry, about the length of this post - I didn't mean to go on so.
We have two sons who have told us many times that while they didn't always like it as children, they are grateful as adults that we gave them rules and consequences.They appreciate the good sense of values we instilled in them. That they always knew what to expect for both appropriate and inappropriate behaviors and they knew they couldn't use us against one another. At the age of 25, our younger son came to me and told me that he thought his dad and I had done a h... of a good job raising them. He thanked me and later thanked his dad. He told me most of his friends and others his age he was working with were so immature and didn't have good values because they weren't taught to them and nothing had been expected of them when they were younger. Our oldest agreed with him. They are both raising their children as we raised them. I'll tell you that made all of the difficult times raising them almost disappear from my mind because that made it all worth it. There had been times I wanted to give in and do it the easy way. I'm so thankful I didn't. So you should feel good about yourself and how you handled a tough situation and keep up the good work as a grandparent. Just try to ignore the family flack. I still get it from one sil now who raised her sons without too many rules and allowed them whatever they wanted. She and my husband's brother are having problems with them today and they are in their middle to late 40's. Loving children does not mean we let them do whatever they want to do. It means we give them the skills and values so they can survive life on their own once they are out in the world no matter what their age. When a child has no boundaries, the world can be a scary place because while they may not be able to control their anger, there should be loving adults in their lives to help them find the way and keep them safe. Sorry, about the length of this post - I didn't mean to go on so.
01-09-2011, 05:47 PM
#158
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,281
Flack??? They should have thanked you for your judicious decision to hold this child accountable for his ugly act. I'd have made him work off $15 worth, and he wouldn't get a penny of it back! One problem today, from top to bottom in our society, is that nobody wants to accept responsibility for the decisions they make, no matter how negatively they affect others. That boy's parents had better be teaching him some responsibility at home, because if they don't, trust me, he will learn it at school and in the workplace later, and the repercussions won't be as gentle as yours.
01-10-2011, 06:40 AM
#160
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Prince Edward Island, CANADA
Posts: 592
We as parents (my husband and I) never let our son get away without learning a lesson (when there was one to be taught), and I think that that is exactly what you did with your grandson!
-you didn't take the total amount of money for the toy,
-you didn't shun him
-you didn't hit, slap, beat him
-you simply taught him a lesson.
You taught your grandson that while he did this act, he must pay for what he did however he is still loved. Love conquers all, especially in a grandparents heart!
I think that you should take the parents for coffee and speak to them to teach them the valuable lesson!
I KNOW that you did the RIGHT thing.
As you can see, you have support from the Quilters!
TreeFrog
-you didn't take the total amount of money for the toy,
-you didn't shun him
-you didn't hit, slap, beat him
-you simply taught him a lesson.
You taught your grandson that while he did this act, he must pay for what he did however he is still loved. Love conquers all, especially in a grandparents heart!
I think that you should take the parents for coffee and speak to them to teach them the valuable lesson!
I KNOW that you did the RIGHT thing.
As you can see, you have support from the Quilters!
TreeFrog
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