Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?
07-17-2011, 02:57 PM
#151
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by LovinMySoldier
I thought I would come to you wonderful ladies for a little advice and opinions! I frequently am reading on here about anniversaries 25, 30, 40 even 50 years long! I think that is absolutely amazing! Now a days if something doesn't work out ya get a divorce :(
I would love to know all of the advice that you all have! Just like your one best piece of advice for a young couple. Especially in the communication department. Especially when bringing up touchy subjects that HAVE to be addressed!
I am 25 years old. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and have been married for over 5. Yes we were married young :) We both still love each other very much and NO we are not having problems or contemplating divorce :P Just looking for advice to keep our marriage strong and healthy!
I would love to know all of the advice that you all have! Just like your one best piece of advice for a young couple. Especially in the communication department. Especially when bringing up touchy subjects that HAVE to be addressed!
I am 25 years old. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and have been married for over 5. Yes we were married young :) We both still love each other very much and NO we are not having problems or contemplating divorce :P Just looking for advice to keep our marriage strong and healthy!
07-17-2011, 03:03 PM
#152
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA & NM
Posts: 1,120
Originally Posted by BarbaraSue
The only advice I will give you is that you both need to believe in each other as the person they are as well as who they will become. Meaning: you must allow each other to grow as an individual as you are growing as a couple.
Neither should be stifled/smothered/denied the opportunity to learn, to have hobbies, or to give up dreams. You each have the the right to be the you you want to be.
Talk honestly about your dreams/wishes and where you want to be in 5 more years. Listen to each other.
An example is my DH and I will be married 40 years this fall. We both went back to school and got our degrees after we were married and with kids. I love to sew and quilt; he does woodworking. He is taking flying lessons as he always wanted to fly. We moved from southern IN to central IL for his job opportunity. It was a mutual decision.
Lastly, do not assume anything. That can be the start of taking for granted what one of you do for the relationship. It takes 2 (3 if you include God) to make a marriage, but it only takes one to make a mess that ends it all. Good Luck!:)
Neither should be stifled/smothered/denied the opportunity to learn, to have hobbies, or to give up dreams. You each have the the right to be the you you want to be.
Talk honestly about your dreams/wishes and where you want to be in 5 more years. Listen to each other.
An example is my DH and I will be married 40 years this fall. We both went back to school and got our degrees after we were married and with kids. I love to sew and quilt; he does woodworking. He is taking flying lessons as he always wanted to fly. We moved from southern IN to central IL for his job opportunity. It was a mutual decision.
Lastly, do not assume anything. That can be the start of taking for granted what one of you do for the relationship. It takes 2 (3 if you include God) to make a marriage, but it only takes one to make a mess that ends it all. Good Luck!:)
I aggree about not assuming things. It is sooooo important to talk with other about what you are thinking. All the best to you both. Oh yes, if you both focus on a relationship with God you will draw closer to each other as you draw close to HIM.
07-17-2011, 03:15 PM
#153
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 35
I am married 35 years. My best advice is never take each other for granted, Spoil each other, be spontanious, make dates with each other. After a spat look through your wedding photos and think of the love which joined you. My biggest advice is pray together. It is said the family that prays together stays together.
07-17-2011, 03:28 PM
#154
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 384
well, enjoy your youth. That is my first advice because I never did appreciate my young skin, my fitness, my good body and all that youthful stuff...energy also. My husband and I miss our youth. I am 63 now. Time goes so fast. We just had our 45th wedding anniversary. Can't give much advice. there were days (no, years!) when I would have liked to run away. Lacy J. Dalton had a song out then called "I'm a Survivor (I am gonna see it through"....or something like that) I listened to that everytime I got in the car. Can't stand to listen to it now. Other times I would be talking to myself saying, "I want to go away" and then the song "where would I go but to the Lord" would come into my head. Counseling helped me (DH would not go, of course. Nothing wrong with him!!) I learned to NOT accept the blame that I felt for all things that were wrong. I would rather die than go back to how I was before counseling. I learned to not take the guilt trips that I was so often on.
There was also a great book by Gary Smalley, I think he was the author. Can't remember the name of it. He talked about six steps. I will look further for it if you want me too. I have said that he too, as well as my counselor saved my life. NO I was not about to commit suicide but I was so distraught and unhappy that I did nto care much about anything but my kids, their activities and the dog.
Miss my youth, for sure but would not want to do these days over again. They were hard. But there were many blessings tucked in there also with the kids and friends in general. I knew there was never a day that my dh would not have laid his life down for me...it was just the every day stuff of stress etc that made life hard.
It is such a joy and blessing now to enjoy the kids and grandkids together, to share memories of the kids growing up, being born and all that kind of stuff.
Sadly nobody promised us a rose garden. Even the best of couples have their issues. Part of the I DO's I guess.
There was also a great book by Gary Smalley, I think he was the author. Can't remember the name of it. He talked about six steps. I will look further for it if you want me too. I have said that he too, as well as my counselor saved my life. NO I was not about to commit suicide but I was so distraught and unhappy that I did nto care much about anything but my kids, their activities and the dog.
Miss my youth, for sure but would not want to do these days over again. They were hard. But there were many blessings tucked in there also with the kids and friends in general. I knew there was never a day that my dh would not have laid his life down for me...it was just the every day stuff of stress etc that made life hard.
It is such a joy and blessing now to enjoy the kids and grandkids together, to share memories of the kids growing up, being born and all that kind of stuff.
Sadly nobody promised us a rose garden. Even the best of couples have their issues. Part of the I DO's I guess.
07-17-2011, 03:37 PM
#155
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,625
My husband and I will celebrate 30 years this coming November. When we decided to get married we decided that we would not get a divorce unless it was the absolute last thing we did. We have our moments and there have been those times when we have both wanted to say ENOUGH!, but we work it out. Sometimes I know how, sometimes I don't. We still love each other and we know no matter what we can count on each other when we can count on nobody else. We said for better or worse and we have been through both.
I'm not saying stay in a bad marriage if it ever gets there, even for the kids, I don't believ it is healthy for the kids or either partners.
I guess the reason so many people do get divorced it because it is harder to stay married and work it out than fix what needs fixin.
I'm not saying stay in a bad marriage if it ever gets there, even for the kids, I don't believ it is healthy for the kids or either partners.
I guess the reason so many people do get divorced it because it is harder to stay married and work it out than fix what needs fixin.
07-17-2011, 04:36 PM
#158
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Lancaster Pa
Posts: 514
Put God in the lead, your husband next and then yourself. Love is not based on emotion, emotions change constantly. Make a decision that you are going to love each other no matter what and treat each other with courtesy and respect always!! Keep dating and quality time alive.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Quiltin'Lady
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
47
03-27-2011 07:43 AM
