Memory quilt input and opinions please
10-31-2022, 03:31 PM
#13
Junior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 276
Thanks everyone for reinforcing that what I did was what I should do (follow my gut).
For those that asked re the learning process or her desire to make a memory quilt herself for someone -
I have helped this person make at least two previous memory quilts herself. She has also been privy to a third memory quilt making another friend made that I quilted. She is a beginner quilter, does great work and is very (and I mean very) strong minded... She is accustomed to persistence getting her what she wants...
I felt she was just being nosy as she had heard me discuss the concept I was going to use - she just didn't get to see the final product.
Thank you very much everyone!
For those that asked re the learning process or her desire to make a memory quilt herself for someone -
I have helped this person make at least two previous memory quilts herself. She has also been privy to a third memory quilt making another friend made that I quilted. She is a beginner quilter, does great work and is very (and I mean very) strong minded... She is accustomed to persistence getting her what she wants...
I felt she was just being nosy as she had heard me discuss the concept I was going to use - she just didn't get to see the final product.
Thank you very much everyone!
10-31-2022, 07:03 PM
#14
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,515
Well bless her heart. Sometimes strong minded doesn't get what strong minded wants. I think this person is very used to manipulating or forcing other people to do/give her what she wants. Had a neighbour like that. Kept pushing and pushing even when I chose not to engage, even when I changed the subject away more than once in a conversation.
You did the absolute right thing. In this sort of situation, I would totally ignore any further mention of the quilts from this person. And I mean TOTALLY. I would no longer 'hear' anything about them from this person. She is beyond rude. And you have been beyond nice.
You did the absolute right thing. In this sort of situation, I would totally ignore any further mention of the quilts from this person. And I mean TOTALLY. I would no longer 'hear' anything about them from this person. She is beyond rude. And you have been beyond nice.
10-31-2022, 09:08 PM
#15
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2022
Location: USA
Posts: 377
Not this "friends" business
Originally Posted by ElaineCovid
Please read and then comment...
I had a family member pass away and I asked for their clothes to make memory quilts for surviving spouse and child (if they would like - which they did).
I had the clothes for quite awhile waiting for the right inspiration. When I finally figured out the idea, I made the quilts.
Before they had been quilted or gifted, I had talked with a few friends about what ideas I was mulling over and after I decided, what I was working on. The friends did not see the works or have input on what I was doing, nor did they help. One of the friends knows the family members the quilts were intended for.
The problem... and how I handled it:
I felt the quilts were a very personal item, and that if the recipients wished, they could show the finished product.
I discussed my feelings with my closest friend and my husband - they agreed. The problem was the one friend who knows the intended recipients keeps bugging to see the quilts "before they're gone"... she even asked outright where they were when she came over for tea one day and I had another family member (who was related to recipients but didn't know about the quilts) with me. I shook my head off to the side and looked at that person, and my friend stopped talking... until we were alone. Again I re-iterated that the finished products were for the recipients and it would be their decision to share or not as it was a personal item...
Now this friend is very upset as she "knows both of them very well" and wanted to see the quilts. I told her they had been given away and she again said she was very disappointed I hadn't allowed her to see them..
Thoughts?
I had a family member pass away and I asked for their clothes to make memory quilts for surviving spouse and child (if they would like - which they did).
I had the clothes for quite awhile waiting for the right inspiration. When I finally figured out the idea, I made the quilts.
Before they had been quilted or gifted, I had talked with a few friends about what ideas I was mulling over and after I decided, what I was working on. The friends did not see the works or have input on what I was doing, nor did they help. One of the friends knows the family members the quilts were intended for.
The problem... and how I handled it:
I felt the quilts were a very personal item, and that if the recipients wished, they could show the finished product.
I discussed my feelings with my closest friend and my husband - they agreed. The problem was the one friend who knows the intended recipients keeps bugging to see the quilts "before they're gone"... she even asked outright where they were when she came over for tea one day and I had another family member (who was related to recipients but didn't know about the quilts) with me. I shook my head off to the side and looked at that person, and my friend stopped talking... until we were alone. Again I re-iterated that the finished products were for the recipients and it would be their decision to share or not as it was a personal item...
Now this friend is very upset as she "knows both of them very well" and wanted to see the quilts. I told her they had been given away and she again said she was very disappointed I hadn't allowed her to see them..
Thoughts?
Don't second guess yourself. You did the right thing. You followed your heart and that is what you should have done. Special Blessings on you and your family that received these special gifts.
11-01-2022, 02:38 AM
#16
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 291
I learned in a leadership training once. Never say sorry. Acknowledge their request and state your position without using "but". As in... I appreciate your interest and I have decided not to share. Stops most in their tracks.
11-01-2022, 09:44 AM
#18
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,546
You absolutely did the right thing by telling her no. You could take pictures of the quilts before you give them out to the family members. Then, if & only if, the family members don't mind sharing the quilts with the world, you would have pictures that you could selectively share with your other friends if you wanted to & didn't feel like they were taking advantage of you.
