Dilemma - suggestions?
04-16-2024, 10:25 AM
#22
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Happy Valley,Or
Posts: 76
Dilemma
So sorry to hear of this. It's hard to be firm with people who you have to see often. I had someone I had to be tough with ( my mother in law). Once I said no to her demands, she backed down. She became quite pleasant after that. So stand your ground, and be happier with yourself.
04-16-2024, 01:14 PM
#23
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 9,518
Originally Posted by GregB
So sorry to hear of this. It's hard to be firm with people who you have to see often. I had someone I had to be tough with ( my mother in law). Once I said no to her demands, she backed down. She became quite pleasant after that. So stand your ground, and be happier with yourself.
04-16-2024, 05:34 PM
#24
Junior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 272
Can't change the meal format, I've tried.
Can't change the location (or rotate between us) I've tried.
Have to see this person regularly, and she is so pleasant and seems easygoing ( Whenever you have time, I'm in no hurry) I think I will just stay away from the get togethers for awhile.... as there are a few other points of contention....
Can't change the location (or rotate between us) I've tried.
Have to see this person regularly, and she is so pleasant and seems easygoing ( Whenever you have time, I'm in no hurry) I think I will just stay away from the get togethers for awhile.... as there are a few other points of contention....
04-17-2024, 07:41 AM
#25
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Greater Peoria, IL -- just moved!
Posts: 6,067
I believe in stating things out loud and directly, while doing it as nicely as possible. It is scary to speak up and set boundaries but it will work better in the long run --
I really like you and enjoy our time together. As friends I hope you understand what I am about to say -- quilting is my business and I am finding myself starting to resent the time I have spent quilting multiple quilts for you for free. I only meant to do one, and can't do them any more without harming our relationship. I don't want this little thing to get between us. In addition, there are some ways you can improve your tops for whoever quilts them, you, me, or someone else. If you'd like when we are visiting I would be happy to point out some of those things.
I really like you and enjoy our time together. As friends I hope you understand what I am about to say -- quilting is my business and I am finding myself starting to resent the time I have spent quilting multiple quilts for you for free. I only meant to do one, and can't do them any more without harming our relationship. I don't want this little thing to get between us. In addition, there are some ways you can improve your tops for whoever quilts them, you, me, or someone else. If you'd like when we are visiting I would be happy to point out some of those things.
04-17-2024, 09:59 AM
#26
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 9,518
Originally Posted by ElaineCovid
Can't change the meal format, I've tried.
Can't change the location (or rotate between us) I've tried.
Have to see this person regularly, and she is so pleasant and seems easygoing ( Whenever you have time, I'm in no hurry) I think I will just stay away from the get togethers for awhile.... as there are a few other points of contention....
Can't change the location (or rotate between us) I've tried.
Have to see this person regularly, and she is so pleasant and seems easygoing ( Whenever you have time, I'm in no hurry) I think I will just stay away from the get togethers for awhile.... as there are a few other points of contention....
04-17-2024, 04:13 PM
#27
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chula Vista CA
Posts: 7,342
You said she is very nice - it sounds like she is truly passive/aggressive and used to getting her own way. I can tell you she is not giving this a second thought right now - it is bothering you. So as soon as you can, tell her you can no longer quilt her quilts for free. (Do you even want to quilt them for a fee? Can you trust her to pay you if she said she will?).
She will ask you when she has a quilt ready - so it is better that you tell her now so she can plan on either doing it herself or finding someone else.
She will ask you when she has a quilt ready - so it is better that you tell her now so she can plan on either doing it herself or finding someone else.
04-17-2024, 05:43 PM
#28
Super Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 9,400
Originally Posted by ptquilts
"I did that first one as a favor to you, but I can't keep quilting all your quilts for free. Do you understand?"
Originally Posted by JanieW
I added "that's not going to work for me. " Don't give a reason because the manipulator/user/ control freak will fix your reason. The more you say it , the easier it gets. That's not going to work for me. Why not? It's not going to work for me. Over and over till they give up.
Originally Posted by Onebyone
When I hear people say they can't sew, cook, etc. All I hear I don't want learn how. I immediately don't care.
04-19-2024, 05:18 AM
#29
Power Poster
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 15,179
I can't wrap my head around someone who makes quilts, knowing the process, would think someone else can just quilt it for them for free. WOW!
My 2 cents- "I can't quilt for free anymore. PERIOD. No explanation needed.
My 2 cents- "I can't quilt for free anymore. PERIOD. No explanation needed.
