Advice please ...?
#121
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 15,506
I think being a PARENT of adult children is so much harder than being a parent of a 2 year old. You can get by with telling a 2 year old what to do. A 22 year old will tell you what to do..... Relationships are sssssooooooo fragile when they are young adults.... They so need to find their own way. They will, but it can take time - we've all been there eh?
#123
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,232
I do agree with all the "don't push" advice.
I've discovered, in my retirement, that getting together with a group of women to make charity quilts is a lot of fun. Do you think she would enjoy helping you make a few very simple charity quilts. Baby quilts are fun, and can be quick. Perhaps just piece a top together, and plan to finish it on your own. I don't think I would plan on sending anything home with her to finish -- that might be too much pressure.
If you have fun, schedule another 'quilting day' in a few months. If she can't seem to find a free day, don't say anything for a few years!
I've discovered, in my retirement, that getting together with a group of women to make charity quilts is a lot of fun. Do you think she would enjoy helping you make a few very simple charity quilts. Baby quilts are fun, and can be quick. Perhaps just piece a top together, and plan to finish it on your own. I don't think I would plan on sending anything home with her to finish -- that might be too much pressure.
If you have fun, schedule another 'quilting day' in a few months. If she can't seem to find a free day, don't say anything for a few years!
#124
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Yuma, AZ
Posts: 63
I want to start by saying that I have not read so far on the first 7 pages where anyone has been nasty or hateful in their replies. They read your post, digested it, and replied from their gut. If you did not want to hear their answers, you should not have asked.
This FDIL must be your first! Please don't alienate her. Once you do that it will be so hard to get her back into your grips! Love her for who she is and what she loves to do.
Not all of us like the same things. I have sewn and made my clothes since I was 10, but to quilt.......NO way, I never wanted to do such a thing until I was 59 yrs old. Now I love it.
As a Mother, Daughter, Granddaugher, and Mother in Law I know now I do not like people to force me to try to do something I don't want to do.
Give her space. She will eventually realize how beautiful your quilts are and if interested will ask you to help her get started making one.
Let her know you are there for her anytime she is interested you will be willing to help her. I would not start buying or making her kits though unless she asks you to. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, but that might be a little pushy for now.
DIL's and MIL's usually need to step softly until they really have established a good relationship. I know you will always want to be a good MIL and a friend to her. I have known to many people who have created issued that haunt their relationship for the rest of their lives. You have a long life and many good years ahead of you in your relationship with her and your son and their future family. Remember, they will be having children which will be your Grandchildren and you do not want to have s strained relationship during these wonderful years!
I know you want her as a quilting partner now, but give it time, if it is meant to be, she will come around. Don't rush or push it.
I am sorry you have taken all of the comments from people you don't agree with as nasty. I don't think any of them intended to be nasty. They, along with myself, read your post and gasped!! We understood that you were wanting to force her to become a quilter. We are not all meant to be quilters, maybe she isn't either. But even if she isn't, I bet she will shine somewhere else in something else that she does, and maybe she will be able to teach you something she enjoys.
I truely hope the two of you will have a long and strong loving relationship through the years to come.
Good Luck with however you choose to deal with this issue!
Sincerely not meaning to be nasty or hateful....
This FDIL must be your first! Please don't alienate her. Once you do that it will be so hard to get her back into your grips! Love her for who she is and what she loves to do.
Not all of us like the same things. I have sewn and made my clothes since I was 10, but to quilt.......NO way, I never wanted to do such a thing until I was 59 yrs old. Now I love it.
As a Mother, Daughter, Granddaugher, and Mother in Law I know now I do not like people to force me to try to do something I don't want to do.
Give her space. She will eventually realize how beautiful your quilts are and if interested will ask you to help her get started making one.
Let her know you are there for her anytime she is interested you will be willing to help her. I would not start buying or making her kits though unless she asks you to. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, but that might be a little pushy for now.
DIL's and MIL's usually need to step softly until they really have established a good relationship. I know you will always want to be a good MIL and a friend to her. I have known to many people who have created issued that haunt their relationship for the rest of their lives. You have a long life and many good years ahead of you in your relationship with her and your son and their future family. Remember, they will be having children which will be your Grandchildren and you do not want to have s strained relationship during these wonderful years!
I know you want her as a quilting partner now, but give it time, if it is meant to be, she will come around. Don't rush or push it.
I am sorry you have taken all of the comments from people you don't agree with as nasty. I don't think any of them intended to be nasty. They, along with myself, read your post and gasped!! We understood that you were wanting to force her to become a quilter. We are not all meant to be quilters, maybe she isn't either. But even if she isn't, I bet she will shine somewhere else in something else that she does, and maybe she will be able to teach you something she enjoys.
I truely hope the two of you will have a long and strong loving relationship through the years to come.
Good Luck with however you choose to deal with this issue!
Sincerely not meaning to be nasty or hateful....
#127
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Topeka, KS
Posts: 3,813
I agree with other members of the board. Get to know her as a person. We are so excited about our quilting, we want everyone to quilt. It just isn't going to happen with every-one. That's good. If we weren't all very different, how could we fit together? Your future DIL may take up quilting, she may not. Please don't push.
#128
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: West New York, New Jersey
Posts: 1,673
Not everyone has to love quilting or have any desire to learn it. Doesn't make her a bad person. She probably has her own interests and the quickest way to cause a breach between you is to make her feel she has to do it just to please you.
#129
Super Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,474
i think you are pushing her , not everyone is interested in doing something like this , i would just let her be adnyou should just kindly let her know that if and when she decides to want to quilt you would be there to help her
now on the other hand i have a pushy mother in law and the more she pushes the more i stand my ground and refuse to do what she wants me to!!! and i am at the point that when she calls i dont answer the phone and i dread the thought of her coming to my house because she thinks i should do things that she likes and i like to do things that i want to do
now on the other hand i have a pushy mother in law and the more she pushes the more i stand my ground and refuse to do what she wants me to!!! and i am at the point that when she calls i dont answer the phone and i dread the thought of her coming to my house because she thinks i should do things that she likes and i like to do things that i want to do
#130
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 706
This may not be her cup of tea- or at least not at this time. I have a daughter who is intellectualy gifted and she strugles with these things as they don't quite ft her pattern of thouhgt. We work around it by designing items and then creating
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