sandilee

I have had the experince twice this year of wedding where they wanted money for their honeymoon.
I was insulted!
I think I could handle wanting a house more than a honeymoon.
Weddings/showers were meant to help set up housekeeping....not send them on a cruise.

tessagin

Ditto CraftyPat. Our neighbors would never talk to us unless we got a "personal invite" (verbal and written on a piece of paper). Sometimes I just forgot about it. I did go to a shower once. They spoke a different language than I. I left and they never noticed.

MCH

You don't know the bride and you don't have a particularly neighborly relationship with her parents. At the VERY most, out of respect to her parents (and not to "buy" their friendship), get a nice congratulatory card, sign it with good wishes, and mail it to her parents' address. Thus, you would have spent money on them...for the postage. That's sufficient.
You've met any obligation they may have wanted to foist on you. You earned your money. It's your choice to distribute it as you wish.
If one of my children would have even HINTED they wanted money for a house, honeymoon, or "happy time", I would have sent a note to every person on their "gift list" insisting they ignore the invite. "What if they gave a 'Money for Me' party and nobody came?"
The current convention being discussed here is merely one of the consequences of an "entitlement" mentality that has no good outcome for anyone...especially those who believe they're entitled to whatever.
As Harry Truman noted, " The buck stops here." My extension is, "...with me" This money-grubbing nonsense needs to STOP!

hopetoquilt

I live in jersey where elaborate weddings are common and wedding gifts are expensive. For a coworker of my husband or a relative, we are expected to drop $200-300 and that is conservative. My husband and I did NOT have an engagement party because he thought it was just held for people to give gifts; that made him very uncomfortable. I did not put anything in our wedding invitation except the date and time of the wedding.

For the reception that I would not attend for someone I did not know, I would do a $50 gift card. I would try to get one to target or somewhere that it comes with an envelope and skil buying a separate card.

coopah

But wait! There's more!! I just have to say...didn't you already have a prior commitment on that day and at that time? No? Well, think one up fast that will be enjoyable and then go on that day and have FUN! Spend the $ on yourself without regret! Gee, you really will be sorry to miss such a wonderful event. And no explanation other than you already had plans. (Send a card. No $ for these two money grubbers!)

Painiacs

Wow! My daughter is getting married in a few months and are wanting to buy a home but to ask for money as wedding gifts? No! Even though they have lived together for 7 yrs as he was scared of marriage, they have everything they found things for their registry! You always can use glasses, towels or a few small appliances! Just give a small monetary donation as they are neighbors. maybe you will get to know them in the future and be glad you did!

Painiacs

Misty's mom- NO! WEDDING DO NOT COST THAT MUCH!! MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY! Neither do her parents! I wouldnt spend that much either!!! If you have it thats up to you but to expect guests to spend 200.00 on a gift?? Never!!

missmay

Oh, I just love this poem, dare I use it?

missmay

I live in Jersey also and most of my family live in New York City so wedding gifts are usually money. No mention of any kind of gifts is on the wedding invitation. I have to agree about the amount of money that is expected but we do whatever we feel like. Casual acquaintances have invited us to their children's weddings and we usually don't attend but usually send a small gift or check in a card to the bride and groom.

jitkaau

Just give them the amount that you can afford and want to spend on a gift and wish them well. Some cultures don't give gifts at weddings. They pin envelopes of money to the bride's dress or just put the envelope on the table. No one has to know the amount if it is presented that way.l am assuming that you would like to go to the wedding or reception. If you are not invited to the gathering, don't send anything more than a card.