Need a few clean jokes for guild meeting tomorrow.
12-12-2010, 02:40 PM
#2
Google Goddess
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central Indiana (USA)
Posts: 30,181
12-12-2010, 03:09 PM
#4
Super Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Boonsboro, MD
Posts: 2,670
Jesus Knows You're Here
A burglar
broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed; then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
A burglar
broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed; then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
12-12-2010, 03:56 PM
#7
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 1,393
Four mature women on their way to a guild meeting - the e driver looked calm and colleted, but the three passengers had a panicky look in their eyes and appeared to have have been thru a stressful time. A cop stopped them and gave the driver a warning ticket for going too slowly for the speed of traffic. The driver said, "But officer, the sign right there says it's 20 miles per hour on this stretch of road." "No ma'm the officer replied, that sign says it's Highway 20....the speed limit is 55."
"Oh", the driver replied, "I'll be more careful in the future."
"By the way, ma'm, why do the other three ladies look so stressed out? Has there been a problem?"
"Well", the driver said, "I guess it's because we just turned off of Route 120. They'll be all right by the time we get to our meeting."
"Oh", the driver replied, "I'll be more careful in the future."
"By the way, ma'm, why do the other three ladies look so stressed out? Has there been a problem?"
"Well", the driver said, "I guess it's because we just turned off of Route 120. They'll be all right by the time we get to our meeting."
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