Nature of Posts
05-22-2010, 04:19 AM
#1
Banned
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Sturbridge, Ma
Posts: 3,992
There is some great comments about responses to posts, the so called quilt police etc on the site this morning. General tone is more how something is said rather than what is said in response. Let me ask this question.
What kind or nature of post gives one the most negative feelings. Some have the nature of having a fine line between nagative or constructive. negative tone vs constructive.
O hope I am phrasing this correctly. It appears to me that a conversation on this subject might help those asking the question in better phrasing their question and certainly those wishing to answer to better phrase their answer to be more constructive rather than desctructive.
What kind or nature of post gives one the most negative feelings. Some have the nature of having a fine line between nagative or constructive. negative tone vs constructive.
O hope I am phrasing this correctly. It appears to me that a conversation on this subject might help those asking the question in better phrasing their question and certainly those wishing to answer to better phrase their answer to be more constructive rather than desctructive.
05-22-2010, 04:46 AM
#2
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
I have a theory about speaking my mind whether on this board or anywhere in life :
It's not WHAT you say but rather HOW you say it. Anything said with kindness and genuine helpfulness is okay in my book! If someone doesn't like what another says I feel the problem is theirs. They don't have to internalize something just b/c someone said something! I personally haven't seen any negative comments on this board yet but if I ask for an honest opinion on something I want honesty. That's what I do when I respond to what-do-you-think questions.
I actually see a lot of cheer-leading on this board! Makes me happy b/c we all love quilting and want to keep it going !
It's not WHAT you say but rather HOW you say it. Anything said with kindness and genuine helpfulness is okay in my book! If someone doesn't like what another says I feel the problem is theirs. They don't have to internalize something just b/c someone said something! I personally haven't seen any negative comments on this board yet but if I ask for an honest opinion on something I want honesty. That's what I do when I respond to what-do-you-think questions.
I actually see a lot of cheer-leading on this board! Makes me happy b/c we all love quilting and want to keep it going !
05-22-2010, 06:21 AM
#3
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 3,672
I see so many helpful suggestions for borders, colors ect that I would not have thought of. It is nice to be able to have a place to ask. If the person posting does not want suggestions, just post and say "Look what I made!"
On the other hand, if you want suggestions, there are many who are willing to help. The colors I like together might put many off, but I do not care if they do not like the combos, so I don't ask. I am making a lime green, pink, yellow, turquoise, purple and black quilt now. I didn't ask, I don't care. On the other hand I might find someone with a WAY better idea for some block selections, so I would ask!
I really do not see malicious comments, but helpful suggestions and lots of laughs.
On the other hand, if you want suggestions, there are many who are willing to help. The colors I like together might put many off, but I do not care if they do not like the combos, so I don't ask. I am making a lime green, pink, yellow, turquoise, purple and black quilt now. I didn't ask, I don't care. On the other hand I might find someone with a WAY better idea for some block selections, so I would ask!
I really do not see malicious comments, but helpful suggestions and lots of laughs.
05-22-2010, 05:06 PM
#4
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: So. Maine
Posts: 176
I think most of what I have seen is very positive, and intended to help. Occasionally, a comment sounds a little abrupt or critical, but I really don't think it was meant to be - one of the shortcomings of online conversation. Maybe we need more emoticons? :)
As far as quilt police:
1. I like all of the quilts- the perfect ones, the crooked ones, the coordinated and the scrappy. A quilt is an expression of someone's creativity. If you feel it needs to be perfect and win an award - that is great...but not everyone does. Allow them the freedom to create.
2. I quilt for fun and relaxation - it is the process, not always the end result. If my seams are crooked, my points don't match - and well, unless the quilt is commissioned by someone, I only have to please me.
3. I do my best - I set my own high standards, but when my friends show me a 'homemade' or not so perfect quilt, I can honestly say it is beautiful. I know how much heart and soul and time went into it....
And if the quilt police come and get me, all i ask is that the lockup has a sewing machine and a stash...
As far as quilt police:
1. I like all of the quilts- the perfect ones, the crooked ones, the coordinated and the scrappy. A quilt is an expression of someone's creativity. If you feel it needs to be perfect and win an award - that is great...but not everyone does. Allow them the freedom to create.
2. I quilt for fun and relaxation - it is the process, not always the end result. If my seams are crooked, my points don't match - and well, unless the quilt is commissioned by someone, I only have to please me.
3. I do my best - I set my own high standards, but when my friends show me a 'homemade' or not so perfect quilt, I can honestly say it is beautiful. I know how much heart and soul and time went into it....
And if the quilt police come and get me, all i ask is that the lockup has a sewing machine and a stash...
05-22-2010, 05:26 PM
#5
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Mount Vernon, Oh
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by katmom54
I think most of what I have seen is very positive, and intended to help. Occasionally, a comment sounds a little abrupt or critical, but I really don't think it was meant to be - one of the shortcomings of online conversation. Maybe we need more emoticons? :)
As far as quilt police:
1. I like all of the quilts- the perfect ones, the crooked ones, the coordinated and the scrappy. A quilt is an expression of someone's creativity. If you feel it needs to be perfect and win an award - that is great...but not everyone does. Allow them the freedom to create.
2. I quilt for fun and relaxation - it is the process, not always the end result. If my seams are crooked, my points don't match - and well, unless the quilt is commissioned by someone, I only have to please me.
3. I do my best - I set my own high standards, but when my friends show me a 'homemade' or not so perfect quilt, I can honestly say it is beautiful. I know how much heart and soul and time went into it....
And if the quilt police come and get me, all i ask is that the lockup has a sewing machine and a stash...
As far as quilt police:
1. I like all of the quilts- the perfect ones, the crooked ones, the coordinated and the scrappy. A quilt is an expression of someone's creativity. If you feel it needs to be perfect and win an award - that is great...but not everyone does. Allow them the freedom to create.
2. I quilt for fun and relaxation - it is the process, not always the end result. If my seams are crooked, my points don't match - and well, unless the quilt is commissioned by someone, I only have to please me.
3. I do my best - I set my own high standards, but when my friends show me a 'homemade' or not so perfect quilt, I can honestly say it is beautiful. I know how much heart and soul and time went into it....
And if the quilt police come and get me, all i ask is that the lockup has a sewing machine and a stash...
05-22-2010, 07:16 PM
#6
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15,639
I think the reader's point of view contributes a lot to how he or she interprets a post.
Example: If I am overweight and have body image issues, odds are that I will (most likely) be very touchy about comments about diet/exercise/size etc. I may read into a comment a personal attack on me - because that is where my mind is.
If I have been criticised - or if I have insecurities about my quilting, then I may be taking a well-meant critique as a personal attack.
Sometimes the choice of words can trigger emotional responses. Example: The comment "if you don't have anything nice to say - you shouldn't say anything at all" sends me to the moon and it takes a lot of self-control for me not to answer. It wouldn't be pretty (or nice) what I would have to say - lol.
We also jump to conclusions at times because we interpret a message in a certain light. Instead of asking "how did you mean that?" we react and answer in a less than constructive manner.
All in all though, considering how many of us there are - I think we are doing pretty good.
Example: If I am overweight and have body image issues, odds are that I will (most likely) be very touchy about comments about diet/exercise/size etc. I may read into a comment a personal attack on me - because that is where my mind is.
If I have been criticised - or if I have insecurities about my quilting, then I may be taking a well-meant critique as a personal attack.
Sometimes the choice of words can trigger emotional responses. Example: The comment "if you don't have anything nice to say - you shouldn't say anything at all" sends me to the moon and it takes a lot of self-control for me not to answer. It wouldn't be pretty (or nice) what I would have to say - lol.
We also jump to conclusions at times because we interpret a message in a certain light. Instead of asking "how did you mean that?" we react and answer in a less than constructive manner.
All in all though, considering how many of us there are - I think we are doing pretty good.
05-22-2010, 07:22 PM
#7
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 2,735
I tend to read my answers before I press send and many of post I have started end up not sent. Not because I am the "police" but because I am afraid of a misinterpretation of my words. Sometimes silence is the best answer.
05-22-2010, 07:43 PM
#8
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 3,683
I find everyone on this board extremely helpful, encouraging, fun spirited and generally very well mannered. If i ask a question, i want an honest answer. Being a quilter has brought me so much joy! So far i have not read a neg. post from anyone. I really appeciate the input from fellow quilters.
05-22-2010, 10:42 PM
#9
Power Poster
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 24,402
Originally Posted by SuziC
I find everyone on this board extremely helpful, encouraging, fun spirited and generally very well mannered. If i ask a question, i want an honest answer. Being a quilter has brought me so much joy! So far i have not read a neg. post from anyone. I really appeciate the input from fellow quilters.
But overall, I think most of the people are well-meaning most of the time.
05-23-2010, 04:43 AM
#10
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
Originally Posted by Maride
I tend to read my answers before I press send and many of post I have started end up not sent. Not because I am the "police" but because I am afraid of a misinterpretation of my words. Sometimes silence is the best answer.
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