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Thread: Courtesy & good manners: lost arts?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Hen3rietta's Avatar
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    I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.

    When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.

    There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.

    It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.

  2. #2
    MTS
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    Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't catch it because I was texting on my smartphone while simultaneously checking the browser for the weather in Phuket while changing lanes without a blinker while driving 80mph on the interstate. Why? Because I can.
    :roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll:

  3. #3
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    as we move from a "community" based society to an "individual" based society, this will become more common. It's all about ME ME ME and who cares if your feelings get hurt.

  4. #4
    Super Member ontheriver's Avatar
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    I don't know if it makes a difference because I live in rural Alabama and but I meet very few people, children included that do not use yes mame, no mame when speaking to you or please and thankyou. Adults even address people this way if they suspect you are even a day older than them. Everyone is very friendly and polite. They don't dare let their momma hear otherwise. Even friends will use a miss or mr in front of a person's first name, like Miss Julie, or Mr. Wayne.

  5. #5
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    Yes, I agree. And there exists somewhere in my same town a lovely, talented niece who probably is confused as to why she never gets any presents from me any more. She got some as a 9 year old..I still treasure her clumsily written hand made card of thanks for that first gift...then no other thanks for the next two, which were the last. Hints have gotten me no place, she did tell me thanks when she ran into me in town for one present....

    And she isn't alone..unfortunately. But it does save a lot of money in gifts not bought.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Helovesme's Avatar
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    "Because I can" is the mentality of many many people nowadays. However, just because you CAN doesn't mean you have the right - the right to endanger MY life while driving on the same freeway. Go ahead and endanger your own on an empty freeway somewhere. You're right Hen3rietta - what happen to common courtesy?

  7. #7
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
    I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.

    When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.

    There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.

    It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.
    thank you... well said

  8. #8
    Super Member JenniePenny's Avatar
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    I agree that courtesy and manners are becoming lost. But, I do not find this to be a factor of age or generation at all. Someone who is in my mother's generation (65+) is just as likely as someone in Generation Y to not acknowedge a gift that was given, for example. I find it a factor of the general state of the way things are.

    The only thing i can do is to remember my manners, and hope someone will be motivated to do the same. My teenage son has excellent manners also.

  9. #9
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
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    well I'm from the South and manners and just plain being nice were normal things you did every day. This "new" world does take some getting used to. I don't try very hard though.

  10. #10
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    Because you can doesn't mean it is the right thing to do! Manners and courtesy go a long way towards keeping things civil in society, and as you may have noticed, society isn't all that civil any more. A tragic loss! All we can do is lead by example!

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