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Thread: Courtesy & good manners: lost arts?

  1. #26
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    denise d just brought back a memory!!
    When my boys were little there was one real bratty kid who was in the group. One day I told all the kids that they were all to go out now.
    They all went out the door except for the brat. He looked me right in the eye and said " Well, you need to go out too". I said "Excuse me??" He replied " You said- everyone outside".
    If my kids did that I would have clobbered them!!
    I knew his parents and really liked them but let's just say our parenting methods were a bit different! :D

  2. #27
    Power Poster blueangel's Avatar
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    I agree courtesy and good manners have gotten lost somewhere. But you can't entirely blame the kids you have to blame the parents for bringing them up that way.

  3. #28
    Super Member Cybrarian's Avatar
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    Thanks Denised for putting the responsibility where it belongs. I speak for all of us in education when I say it is our responsibility to educate children, it is the Parents responsibility to raise them. We come along side the parents, but children emulate and copy what is modeled for them at home. I am a teacher turned media specialist in a private school filled with children from economically blessed homes all the way to struggling scholarshipped homes. Our students are praised and welcomed wherever we go because they have no doubts about the manners and behavior we expect from them. The students that need the most "help" with their manners and behavior are the children of parents that are consistently rude and display poor manners to staff and other parents and students. You have to model the behavior you expect children to use. Off my soapbox now.

  4. #29
    Super Member JulieR's Avatar
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    Am I the only one who doesn't care for the "Miss Julie" coming from children? I'm not a Miss and I did not give a child permission to use my first name - I should be Mrs. R* (or Ms, that works well, too) until or unless I invite a child to use my first name.

    Sorry, pet peeve.

    On the other hand, I'm a college-educated IT professional with four direct reports, three of whom are men. If I have to take "Miss Julie" in order to be a woman free to choose her own destiny and prosper in it, I will deal with that.

  5. #30
    Super Member Rosyhf's Avatar
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    It's all in the way we live isn't it? Even if you don't want to refer to class?? But class does exists, doesn't it? You can belong to the class that is polite and thankful or you can belong to the class that runs and pushes over people while rudely fighting with someone on your cell phone lol....isn't it ironic how the rude and mannerless seem to be constantly in area of the polite and thankful? That is because if a bunch of them got in a group, they would seriously injure each other.....

    And while we are on the subject..how about some table manners? hahahahah I won't even go there....

    It is always a pleasure to meet a person with manners....

  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
    denise d just brought back a memory!!
    When my boys were little there was one real bratty kid who was in the group. One day I told all the kids that they were all to go out now.
    They all went out the door except for the brat. He looked me right in the eye and said " Well, you need to go out too". I said "Excuse me??" He replied " You said- everyone outside".
    If my kids did that I would have clobbered them!!
    I knew his parents and really liked them but let's just say our parenting methods were a bit different! :D
    I agree - a little twit - but probably a very intelligent one!

  7. #32
    Senior Member denise d's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearisgray
    Quote Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
    denise d just brought back a memory!!
    When my boys were little there was one real bratty kid who was in the group. One day I told all the kids that they were all to go out now.
    They all went out the door except for the brat. He looked me right in the eye and said " Well, you need to go out too". I said "Excuse me??" He replied " You said- everyone outside".
    If my kids did that I would have clobbered them!!
    I knew his parents and really liked them but let's just say our parenting methods were a bit different! :D
    I agree - a little twit - but probably a very intelligent one!
    Intelligent... probably, but not too bright.

    Yep, that kid would not be coming back to my house. Something about sassing an adult really rubs me the wrong way.

    I have seen a bit of that from my oldest in the past 2 weeks, and believe me... it will not be staying.

  8. #33
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    He was intelligent but no more so than the others. He was the kind of kid to push buttons and the other kids really didn't like him that much but he lived in the neighborhood............ The parents were lovely people but their kids were not- not sure what went on there!

  9. #34
    Senior Member calano1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
    I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.

    When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.

    There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.

    It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.
    **********************
    3 am when DH and I were drinking coffee, we were talking about the exact same thing ...
    All of this will only be getting worse ... and I doubt it will ever get better.
    You see ... people used to teach their kids respect and kindness and manners ...
    Then the kids grew up into hippies and decided they don't want to follow the rules ... and they went all out to break everyone of them.
    Then these hippies had kids ... and they showed them how to be "free" ... NO rules ... NO etiquette ...
    But the problem is these kids did not have any roots to hold onto .... so today with all the different cultures and TOLERANCE that is preached everywhere ... they are just swimming in a cesspool of filth ... they don't know any better ....
    And you know about that one rotten apple?
    Well, that is how the other kids that DID receive a fair to good upbringing, were infected ...
    Add to that .... they know ALL about their RIGHTS ... but VERY LITTLE about their RESPONSIBILITY!
    They were not taught that acts have consequenses ... and therefore they think they are not ACCOUNTABLE!
    But when things get a bit tight around them, they definitely know how to BLAME everyone else!
    Even when we try to lead by example, they just trample it beneath their dirty sneakers ....
    Can you imagine what THEY will teach THEIR kids??????
    :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:

  10. #35
    Super Member noveltyjunkie's Avatar
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    I am disagreeing again. I meet plenty of polite people. (I do meet lots of rude people as well, but the modern world just means you meet more people....) Also, my kids, and their friends, are all pretty polite and I get sick listening to people saying that "kids these days" have no manners.

    (Also, I don't like being called Ma'am- especially if it is "no ma'am"!!)

  11. #36
    Super Member Dodie's Avatar
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    interesting subject I agree people have gotten very rude and not just the young ones but manners does have to be taught in the home and should be taught in the schools but is not when I went to school we even had to say excuse to walk in front of someone now walking by a play ground I was shocked by the language coming out of small kids mouths but look what they watch on tv

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts
    as we move from a "community" based society to an "individual" based society, this will become more common. It's all about ME ME ME and who cares if your feelings get hurt.
    I SO AGREE w/ the ME, ME, ME & PC (grrrrrr) mentality - people believe they 'deserve' it, are 'owed' it, & the same for other comments on here about the 'because I can' - it is sad.

    Yes, there are many, especially in southern states that 'thank you's are heard & much less than there should be. Many younger ones at my church call their elders "Mr" John, "Mrs" ... or "Miss", but unfortunately society has become too self-centered.

    OK, off my soap-box for the day
    :-o

  13. #38
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    I have been teaching for many years and ever year have to teach common courtesy to a large number of children. I know the teachers at my school teach manners. It doesn't mean they internalize them if they are not reinforced at home or in the general public. I remind kids what good manners they have when a child, either in my class or another class, does something like open the door for me or pick up something I dropped. It is the only way I know how to get them to do it again and again...praise and example!!

  14. #39
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    I have 3 adult children (one a step). It is a joy to be with two of the families...old fashioned courtesy with today's setting. One family thinks whatever comes out of their children's mouth is cute with no correction. UGH!

  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinlauren
    I have been teaching for many years and ever year have to teach common courtesy to a large number of children. I know the teachers at my school teach manners. It doesn't mean they internalize them if they are not reinforced at home or in the general public. I remind kids what good manners they have when a child, either in my class or another class, does something like open the door for me or pick up something I dropped. It is the only way I know how to get them to do it again and again...praise and example!!
    I'm a former principal, and we actually had to put in a social skills curriculum!

  16. #41
    Super Member gramajo's Avatar
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    I work as a cashier in a gas station & get plenty of rude people (esp talking on cellphones) The other night I had a young man 18,19,20ish come to the register who was very indignant. He had held the door open for an older man & the man never said Thank You. The kid said if it had been him who didn't say Thank You, the older man probably would have blasted him for being rude & he's probably right I know the man the kid was talking about. He IS a rude son-of-a-gun. I don't blame the kid for being angry.

    I can always tell when the kids who come into the station are in the military. It's always Yes maam, no maam. I don't like being called maam--it makes me feel old (I'm 68) but I appreciate that these kids are so polite.

    BTW I mean no disrespect when I call them 'kids'. to me, they're all just babies.

  17. #42
    a regular here countrycottage's Avatar
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    Well said!

  18. #43
    Super Member Enchanted Quilter's Avatar
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    Brings back many memories . But saw one last week when out on a 2 wk fishing trip . We were sitting around talking abt 25 grownups ages 27-65 and small kids 1-12. when My Mom 83 & a Dear friend 78 came out of the camper both have problems with certain chair . But one Great great niece 5yrs old setting in a good chair jumps down said Grandma Johnnie here then turned around pinched her brother 12, said Aunt Mables need your chair. Their Dad just smiled .My Mom kissed & hug her Mable gave them a home made cookie. But MY FAMILY was raised w/ manners or else(you didn't want any part of else). Its still alive in lots of families .

  19. #44
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    I was asked to come to a Girl Scout meeting so that the girls could help me with the Christmas stockings for our soldiers. I didn't know any of the girls and was thrilled that they wanted to participate in this effort.
    They really seemed to enjoy it.

    When their parents came to pick them up, the girls showed off their stockings and left. Just left. Nine girls, nine parents - empty room. The Girl Scout Leader thanked me said that she hoped that I would come back again and teach them something else next year. Not a chance.

  20. #45
    Senior Member RatherB Quilting's Avatar
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    I agree that it crosses all ages. The other day we were going into the grocery store and this older man in a scooter was struggling to get in the door. My husband stopped and helped him through and he zoomed right on past, no "thank you" and missed hitting my two year old by a couple of inches in his haste. I was VERY put out about that.
    Whereas, my two year old...if anyone sneezes ALWAYS says "Bless you" and when the reciever says "thank you" she responds with "your welcome." I would like to hope that we will raise thankful and polite children.
    I agree that common decency isn't common any longer.

  21. #46
    Super Member Jan in VA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ontheriver
    I don't know if it makes a difference because I live in rural Alabama and but I meet very few people, children included that do not use yes mame, no mame when speaking to you or please and thankyou. Adults even address people this way if they suspect you are even a day older than them. Everyone is very friendly and polite. They don't dare let their momma hear otherwise. Even friends will use a miss or mr in front of a person's first name, like Miss Julie, or Mr. Wayne.
    I remember it well from the three years I lived in Birmingham. Much of TX was this way, too. I do miss Southern manners.

    Jan in VA

  22. #47
    Super Member Joan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts
    as we move from a "community" based society to an "individual" based society, this will become more common. It's all about ME ME ME and who cares if your feelings get hurt.

    so sad
    :-( , but so true......

  23. #48
    Super Member Joan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinlauren
    I have been teaching for many years and ever year have to teach common courtesy to a large number of children. I know the teachers at my school teach manners. It doesn't mean they internalize them if they are not reinforced at home or in the general public. I remind kids what good manners they have when a child, either in my class or another class, does something like open the door for me or pick up something I dropped. It is the only way I know how to get them to do it again and again...praise and example!!

    I did the same thing when I taught----it was necessary!

  24. #49
    Super Member calla's Avatar
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    I can only say, well said Hen3retta..............calla

  25. #50
    Super Member grannypat7925's Avatar
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    We were taught that courtesy and good manners by our moms. So many children now are raised by so many different day cares,etc., I think they are very confused to say the least.
    Sorry, but I think if you have children it is your obligation to raise them to have manners and common sense. Just my opinion....no offense intended.

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