Engagement
05-31-2009, 12:15 PM
#21
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,299
Reading all of these posts make me so glad I have a son!
My wedding was pretty inexepensive, made my dress and clothes for the wedding party, had an appetizer and fresh fruit buffet, outdoor wedding at a friends condo party house.
All was complicated by the fact that three days before the wedding the caterer left town with half of our money, found out when my husband went to make final payment and restaraunt that was catering was closed. Had been in town for 20 years and well known.
But we have been married 29 years, so an inauspicious beginning doesn't mean much I guess.
My wedding was pretty inexepensive, made my dress and clothes for the wedding party, had an appetizer and fresh fruit buffet, outdoor wedding at a friends condo party house.
All was complicated by the fact that three days before the wedding the caterer left town with half of our money, found out when my husband went to make final payment and restaraunt that was catering was closed. Had been in town for 20 years and well known.
But we have been married 29 years, so an inauspicious beginning doesn't mean much I guess.
05-31-2009, 12:26 PM
#22
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Randolph, MA
Posts: 182
Congratulations! now as Terri said the Big key words are "Realistic Budget".
Friends of ours got married 3 years ago and their wedding was 38 thousand dollars. they just filed for divorce. And I think they are still paying off the wedding!
Friends of ours got married 3 years ago and their wedding was 38 thousand dollars. they just filed for divorce. And I think they are still paying off the wedding!
05-31-2009, 05:09 PM
#23
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 521
I think young people watch too much TV these days and all think they must spend a fortune and have all this fancy stuff to have a nice wedding. My feeling is that what you really need to share with your guests is a celebration of love. Thank goodness my daughter thinks a small gathering of truely close friends and family in any setting with as little as cake and coffee is enough. This single mom can feed the masses...but not catered, not in a fancy hall, so we'll see what happens when (if) that time comes.!!! I will say, at my own wedding many many moons ago, we cut our guest list in half by excluding kids under 15. We had drinking and dancing and I did not want to deal with crabby kids hanging on me (I have many relatives and we're close). I still don't regret it, and only one person was ticked they had to get a sitter. They got over it!!
Best of luck. Remember to count to 10!!
Best of luck. Remember to count to 10!!
05-31-2009, 06:15 PM
#24
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: MI
Posts: 2,526
Sewjoyce - I went to Gatlinburg, TN too, when I remarried in 2005! Rented a cabin for a week..... was Heaven!!! I really envy all of you who get to live in TN!
We got married in my church, which is now our church, with communion. All six of our kids participated in the wedding. It was such a beautiful wedding, I cried all the way through it! lol!!
My stepson did our invitations on a computer, my DH's brother did all our photos/video, our reception was in the large private lounge of our bowling alley ($150 rental, I think), with a buffet - sandwhiches, salads, etc. Beautiful 3 tiered cake from Walmart! We had an open bar, which ended up being only about $150, not many drink. We also had one of those bouncy things for all the kids to get into and bounce, set up in a corner, as we wanted them all to have a really good time too!
I also had my bff take photos of each person/couple as they came in the door for our wedding. I had blank pages for each to sign, or write a little something, instead of a guest book. I then put these into a scrapbook I made. I still take that out often, to look at it!
I had wanted to have signature squares to have quests sign, when my youngest DS got married last June, to make into a quilt for them, and then went ditz and didn't do it. That might be something you'd want to do.
We had about 80 people, as I wanted only people of the heart there, and it was about $2000 - not including Gatlinburg! :wink:
My suggestion would be to focus on the love, the spirituality, the joy, of it all. To me, that's what's most important, that which will be most remembered.
And ooops - Congratulations!!!! :D :D Forgot that part, was off tripping down Memory Lane.... lol!!!! :-)
We got married in my church, which is now our church, with communion. All six of our kids participated in the wedding. It was such a beautiful wedding, I cried all the way through it! lol!!
My stepson did our invitations on a computer, my DH's brother did all our photos/video, our reception was in the large private lounge of our bowling alley ($150 rental, I think), with a buffet - sandwhiches, salads, etc. Beautiful 3 tiered cake from Walmart! We had an open bar, which ended up being only about $150, not many drink. We also had one of those bouncy things for all the kids to get into and bounce, set up in a corner, as we wanted them all to have a really good time too!
I also had my bff take photos of each person/couple as they came in the door for our wedding. I had blank pages for each to sign, or write a little something, instead of a guest book. I then put these into a scrapbook I made. I still take that out often, to look at it!
I had wanted to have signature squares to have quests sign, when my youngest DS got married last June, to make into a quilt for them, and then went ditz and didn't do it. That might be something you'd want to do.
We had about 80 people, as I wanted only people of the heart there, and it was about $2000 - not including Gatlinburg! :wink:
My suggestion would be to focus on the love, the spirituality, the joy, of it all. To me, that's what's most important, that which will be most remembered.
And ooops - Congratulations!!!! :D :D Forgot that part, was off tripping down Memory Lane.... lol!!!! :-)
05-31-2009, 06:29 PM
#25
Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Camarillo, California
Posts: 35,242
We married off our oldest daughter one year ago on the 7th of June and the second oldest was married the August before that (coming up on two years)
We set the budget between $10,000 & $13,000. Trying to keep it lower but giving myself a little room to change what I thought needed some help. They both stayed within budget with the first wedding being closer to 13,000 (cause I called in a Caterer when I felt their plans would not work out 5 weeks ahead of time) I have a great friend (mother in law of my oldest) who has a printing business so they did all invites and programs and save the dates and anything else that needed printing for both weddings. We had tons of friends that helped out and we hired about 5-7 High school kids from church to help with serving etc (they were raising money for camp) Both weddings turned out beautiful and everyone had a great time. There were probably 180 at the first wedding in 07 and about 230 last June. They had friends with sound equipment and my 3rd daughter arranged all the music for the reception, and a friend MC'd for each one. We had to use the equity line on the house to pay for them, so we are still paying. DD #3 has been told she has to wait a while before she can have a wedding!!!
We set the budget between $10,000 & $13,000. Trying to keep it lower but giving myself a little room to change what I thought needed some help. They both stayed within budget with the first wedding being closer to 13,000 (cause I called in a Caterer when I felt their plans would not work out 5 weeks ahead of time) I have a great friend (mother in law of my oldest) who has a printing business so they did all invites and programs and save the dates and anything else that needed printing for both weddings. We had tons of friends that helped out and we hired about 5-7 High school kids from church to help with serving etc (they were raising money for camp) Both weddings turned out beautiful and everyone had a great time. There were probably 180 at the first wedding in 07 and about 230 last June. They had friends with sound equipment and my 3rd daughter arranged all the music for the reception, and a friend MC'd for each one. We had to use the equity line on the house to pay for them, so we are still paying. DD #3 has been told she has to wait a while before she can have a wedding!!!
05-31-2009, 08:19 PM
#26
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 879
All this info is great as my honey took me ring window shopping recently. I've always wanted something small and we agree we'd rather have a bbq with the ability to invite all those we really love over expensive plates for those we have obligations too. Terri that knot site is a gold mine of information! I also like checking out the diy wedding thread over at craftster.org great ideas there too!! Good luck and congrats!!
06-01-2009, 03:15 PM
#27
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: San Francisco Bay area
Posts: 223
Congratulations and best wishes to everyone.
While neither of my sons is married, I've been a participant / observor at several weddings over the years. The last few, it seems, devolved into fertile ground for Bridezillas to work their chaos and escalating expense in direct porportion to the Bridezilla-ness.
My husband, a generous, loving, and kind man who still gets teary-eyed when speaking about our wedding 40 years ago always asks, "Why can't they get married in the church and have a small reception with cake and punch in the Fellowship Hall? People today focus so much and spend too much on one day. No one considers the marriage." Disclaimer: we were married in a church, but the concept of a simple reception following the ceremony applies wherever a couple gets married.
Being an executive assistant, I'm big on lists, check-lists, files, processes, and contact information. Thus, my advice leans more toward the organization of the event / project and how it unfolds on the appointed day. It's an event that needs planning at the micro and macro level. No detail is unimportant.
I think BUDGET is the foundation component of how the project gets organized and the level of success on the day of the event. All the stake holders need to be open with what they are willing to spend. Note, I didn't say "able". Willing and able are two different sides of the coin.
This is the first one of many (probably) discussions of what I call boundaries in planning. "This is possible, this is risky, this is probable, and if you want this, then you've just taken on the job of figuring out how to make it happen within the boundaries of the project. If you want to enlarge the scope of the project and fund the additional costs, you're welcome to do so, but this is where we are and this is where we're willing to go." The goal is to set expectations early in the planning process.
I went to family wedding that occurred a few years ago. I knew from the beginning that the "day of" would be chaotic as the bride is an only child to whom her parents didn't like to say "no" or "wait".
When I asked the Mother of the Bride if she was engaging a wedding planner to help administer and co-ordinate events the day of the wedding, as well as to help with the planning of same, her response was, "No. I'm not spending that kind of money. We can handle it."
Well, I knew how well that would work so I suggested she give me a binder with all the contracts / contacts / and other notes for the day so that I could be the one person not in the wedding party who could answer questions and be the "go to person". "Nope. We can handle it."
It was a moderately-sized wedding (125 people) and my 33-yr. old and 28-yr. old sons were ushers. At the rehearsal, no on bothered to instruct them on who was to be seated where before the ceremony and how the congregation was to be led out of the sanctuary. They looked at me and I became a sideline coach.
The wedding guests collected in the narthex...but no wedding party to be seen. I went to a different part of the church. There was the wedding party having a great time fawing all over themselves as the photographer tried to get the "wedding pictures". "How long is this going to take? You have guests waiting in the narthex." " It's going to be awhile."
I waited a few minutes, visiting with the guests. Ultimately, I just told them they may as well leave, finding something to do until the reception 2 hours hence. They all left after awhile. (And yes, they did go to the reception / buffet)
Do NOT get me going on the condition of the room where the bride and her attendants dressed for the wedding. A part of me wanted to gather up everything and toss it into the street.
When the wedding party finally decided it was time to leave the church, they gathered up their stuff, tromped down the hall to waitng limo and made no bones about how rude it was for all the guests to leave and that no one was there to "see them off". (You expected them to cool their heels while you primped and preened?!)
What I'm leading up to here is that no matter how small or how large the wedding, all of those people who come to the wedding are the guests of the bride, groom, and the couple's parents. You invited these folks. Act as if you care about them and take the time to greet and thank them in a receiving line immediately following the ceremony.
Hint: saying "hi" to folks as the DJ blasts music at the reception doesn't qualify as a greeting and "thanks for coming/ it wouldn't have been the same without you".
It may be "your" wedding, but those people you invited need to be treated as something other than an ATM or gift machine or part of the group picture so that you can be at the center of it.
This is a great story from my nephew's wedding last year.
We made the trip from CA to St. Louis...my husband, our sons, one son's girlfriend, and myself. We had a great time. As we were waiting to exit the sanctuary while the bride and groom greeted their guests in the receiving line on the steps, my sons began chatting with the elderly couple sitting in the pew in front of them. The couple had been neighbors of my SIL when she was growing up and had known my nephew since he was born. The couple had been at my brother and SIL's wedding in the late 70's.
"We were there too," my older son told them.
"Really?"
"Yes. He was the ring bearer (that was his then-5-yr.old brother) and I was an usher (he was 9 years old at the time of his aunt and uncle's wedding). The "boys" are now 35 and 40.
"No! We remember both of you! You were so cute. You've both gotten so tall! (Both are over 6')
This would not have happened if there had not been a receiving line...and you wouldn't believe the smiles, laughter, hugs, and absolutely wonderful time everyone had meeting and greeting in that receiving line.
As I approached my "new" niece, I called out to her, calling her her "Mrs. ____! She was caught just a bit off-guard and then threw her arms around me, giving me a huge hug. "That's the first time anyone has called me that, Aunt Madolyn.! I LOVE it!"
So, enjoy the day, take time to consider the comfort and consideration of the guests, and remember... this may be a special day, but it's all those upcoming days, weeks, months, and years that will be your marriage. Isn't that whay all this is happening "today"?
While neither of my sons is married, I've been a participant / observor at several weddings over the years. The last few, it seems, devolved into fertile ground for Bridezillas to work their chaos and escalating expense in direct porportion to the Bridezilla-ness.
My husband, a generous, loving, and kind man who still gets teary-eyed when speaking about our wedding 40 years ago always asks, "Why can't they get married in the church and have a small reception with cake and punch in the Fellowship Hall? People today focus so much and spend too much on one day. No one considers the marriage." Disclaimer: we were married in a church, but the concept of a simple reception following the ceremony applies wherever a couple gets married.
Being an executive assistant, I'm big on lists, check-lists, files, processes, and contact information. Thus, my advice leans more toward the organization of the event / project and how it unfolds on the appointed day. It's an event that needs planning at the micro and macro level. No detail is unimportant.
I think BUDGET is the foundation component of how the project gets organized and the level of success on the day of the event. All the stake holders need to be open with what they are willing to spend. Note, I didn't say "able". Willing and able are two different sides of the coin.
This is the first one of many (probably) discussions of what I call boundaries in planning. "This is possible, this is risky, this is probable, and if you want this, then you've just taken on the job of figuring out how to make it happen within the boundaries of the project. If you want to enlarge the scope of the project and fund the additional costs, you're welcome to do so, but this is where we are and this is where we're willing to go." The goal is to set expectations early in the planning process.
I went to family wedding that occurred a few years ago. I knew from the beginning that the "day of" would be chaotic as the bride is an only child to whom her parents didn't like to say "no" or "wait".
When I asked the Mother of the Bride if she was engaging a wedding planner to help administer and co-ordinate events the day of the wedding, as well as to help with the planning of same, her response was, "No. I'm not spending that kind of money. We can handle it."
Well, I knew how well that would work so I suggested she give me a binder with all the contracts / contacts / and other notes for the day so that I could be the one person not in the wedding party who could answer questions and be the "go to person". "Nope. We can handle it."
It was a moderately-sized wedding (125 people) and my 33-yr. old and 28-yr. old sons were ushers. At the rehearsal, no on bothered to instruct them on who was to be seated where before the ceremony and how the congregation was to be led out of the sanctuary. They looked at me and I became a sideline coach.
The wedding guests collected in the narthex...but no wedding party to be seen. I went to a different part of the church. There was the wedding party having a great time fawing all over themselves as the photographer tried to get the "wedding pictures". "How long is this going to take? You have guests waiting in the narthex." " It's going to be awhile."
I waited a few minutes, visiting with the guests. Ultimately, I just told them they may as well leave, finding something to do until the reception 2 hours hence. They all left after awhile. (And yes, they did go to the reception / buffet)
Do NOT get me going on the condition of the room where the bride and her attendants dressed for the wedding. A part of me wanted to gather up everything and toss it into the street.
When the wedding party finally decided it was time to leave the church, they gathered up their stuff, tromped down the hall to waitng limo and made no bones about how rude it was for all the guests to leave and that no one was there to "see them off". (You expected them to cool their heels while you primped and preened?!)
What I'm leading up to here is that no matter how small or how large the wedding, all of those people who come to the wedding are the guests of the bride, groom, and the couple's parents. You invited these folks. Act as if you care about them and take the time to greet and thank them in a receiving line immediately following the ceremony.
Hint: saying "hi" to folks as the DJ blasts music at the reception doesn't qualify as a greeting and "thanks for coming/ it wouldn't have been the same without you".
It may be "your" wedding, but those people you invited need to be treated as something other than an ATM or gift machine or part of the group picture so that you can be at the center of it.
This is a great story from my nephew's wedding last year.
We made the trip from CA to St. Louis...my husband, our sons, one son's girlfriend, and myself. We had a great time. As we were waiting to exit the sanctuary while the bride and groom greeted their guests in the receiving line on the steps, my sons began chatting with the elderly couple sitting in the pew in front of them. The couple had been neighbors of my SIL when she was growing up and had known my nephew since he was born. The couple had been at my brother and SIL's wedding in the late 70's.
"We were there too," my older son told them.
"Really?"
"Yes. He was the ring bearer (that was his then-5-yr.old brother) and I was an usher (he was 9 years old at the time of his aunt and uncle's wedding). The "boys" are now 35 and 40.
"No! We remember both of you! You were so cute. You've both gotten so tall! (Both are over 6')
This would not have happened if there had not been a receiving line...and you wouldn't believe the smiles, laughter, hugs, and absolutely wonderful time everyone had meeting and greeting in that receiving line.
As I approached my "new" niece, I called out to her, calling her her "Mrs. ____! She was caught just a bit off-guard and then threw her arms around me, giving me a huge hug. "That's the first time anyone has called me that, Aunt Madolyn.! I LOVE it!"
So, enjoy the day, take time to consider the comfort and consideration of the guests, and remember... this may be a special day, but it's all those upcoming days, weeks, months, and years that will be your marriage. Isn't that whay all this is happening "today"?
06-05-2009, 03:46 PM
#29
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
I have three daughters, one got married in another state, so, we didn't help with that one, as I was unable to go anywhere at the time.
When they moved back to here, to Florida, I wanted to "re-do" their wedding, but hubby wouldn't play along.
Other two daughters, wanted something simple, but nice. We cut corners everywhere we could without losing the quality and ambience of the occasion. Cost was 3,000 a piece.
How can you have a wedding for that?
They bought their dresses, etc. long to short,...maybe it actually cost, 4.000 apiece, but me and hubby pd, the 3th.
One got married in her church, and we rented a hall for the reception. I made about 95% of the food, and we did all the cleaning, decorating, middle daughter made all flowers and arrangements, my brother took the pictures...really NICE pictures!...you name it, we did it, ourselves...me and hubby did most of that clean up! nearly killed myself.
Ok, middle daughter...same cost, different hall, more ppl, more food, more work, simpler decorating, but even more beautiful. Lots of white with splashes of color...gorgeous.
Ceremony was outside in a garden, co-worker did her pics...I made a gutload of food...crazy amount...borrowed dishes...she made all the flowers etc. we did all the set up, decorating, and this daughter and her new hubby, refused to leave mess with us, so helped us clean up. We had a time limit or would have to pay more money. I almost fell on my face, anyway!
My bottom line: TRY not to be sentimental over every little thing...it adds up. Price everything ahead, and draw up a budget!!!
Decide on a sensible amount of stuff you can do yourself, and accept all the dependable help you can get.
Confer, confer, confer, with your daughter, or someday in the future, she will say, her whole wedding was planned etc. by mother or others. One of mine did that one time too many, and I gave her the lowdown, on my take of it. Now she just says her sister took over. yes, she was bridezilla, and i asked her about everything, down to size of cheese cubes!
The week of both of these weddings...a year apart....i got so busy, and so wired...I wasn't eating properly, could only sleep 4 hours a night, and my thyroid went out of range, both times.
Don't kill yourself. I didn't have dependable help, so I did tons of it, myself. One daughter is grateful, one is full..... :mrgreen:
The more ppl involved in helping, if they are team players...all the better.
If they are strong personalities, that like to take charge, you'll have arguments, procrastinating, fights, crying, and insanity! Be careful who you let help!
Make sure they won't clash with bride, it will all come back on you, bc your the mother.
You could always run away. I was too naive and chicken.
Joking a little, but planning pares down the possible problems that could come up.
Take extra deodorant, tissues and panty hose to the church. ppl forget, and get runs, or they don't fit, and tension is high, when everyone wants it perfect and going to be on film.
Plan, plan, plan, and remember, that many have lived through it! :D
When they moved back to here, to Florida, I wanted to "re-do" their wedding, but hubby wouldn't play along.
Other two daughters, wanted something simple, but nice. We cut corners everywhere we could without losing the quality and ambience of the occasion. Cost was 3,000 a piece.
How can you have a wedding for that?
They bought their dresses, etc. long to short,...maybe it actually cost, 4.000 apiece, but me and hubby pd, the 3th.
One got married in her church, and we rented a hall for the reception. I made about 95% of the food, and we did all the cleaning, decorating, middle daughter made all flowers and arrangements, my brother took the pictures...really NICE pictures!...you name it, we did it, ourselves...me and hubby did most of that clean up! nearly killed myself.
Ok, middle daughter...same cost, different hall, more ppl, more food, more work, simpler decorating, but even more beautiful. Lots of white with splashes of color...gorgeous.
Ceremony was outside in a garden, co-worker did her pics...I made a gutload of food...crazy amount...borrowed dishes...she made all the flowers etc. we did all the set up, decorating, and this daughter and her new hubby, refused to leave mess with us, so helped us clean up. We had a time limit or would have to pay more money. I almost fell on my face, anyway!
My bottom line: TRY not to be sentimental over every little thing...it adds up. Price everything ahead, and draw up a budget!!!
Decide on a sensible amount of stuff you can do yourself, and accept all the dependable help you can get.
Confer, confer, confer, with your daughter, or someday in the future, she will say, her whole wedding was planned etc. by mother or others. One of mine did that one time too many, and I gave her the lowdown, on my take of it. Now she just says her sister took over. yes, she was bridezilla, and i asked her about everything, down to size of cheese cubes!
The week of both of these weddings...a year apart....i got so busy, and so wired...I wasn't eating properly, could only sleep 4 hours a night, and my thyroid went out of range, both times.
Don't kill yourself. I didn't have dependable help, so I did tons of it, myself. One daughter is grateful, one is full..... :mrgreen:
The more ppl involved in helping, if they are team players...all the better.
If they are strong personalities, that like to take charge, you'll have arguments, procrastinating, fights, crying, and insanity! Be careful who you let help!
Make sure they won't clash with bride, it will all come back on you, bc your the mother.
You could always run away. I was too naive and chicken.
Joking a little, but planning pares down the possible problems that could come up.
Take extra deodorant, tissues and panty hose to the church. ppl forget, and get runs, or they don't fit, and tension is high, when everyone wants it perfect and going to be on film.
Plan, plan, plan, and remember, that many have lived through it! :D
