bearisgray

Interesting thread - - -

Is it a kindness to tell someone what he/she wants to hear instead of telling the person what he/she needs/should hear?

Some examples from on this board:

Someone posts a thread and seems to be saying "I did this wrong - I know it should be changed - it will bother me if I don't - - but I'm wondering if I can get by without fixing it" and many people say "Oh, it's just fine the way it is."

Is it really doing the asker a favor or kindness to say that something that is bothering him/her is okay to leave "as is"?

I'm not talking about unsolicited pointing out of "inadvertent design changes" that it's too late to easily fix.

If I put on something inappropriate before leaving the house - please tell me BEFORE we go out the door. I may not "like" the information - but I would much prefer to hear it then, than when we are in the car and half-way to our destination!!

bearisgray

Not really.

Examples:

If someone wants to wear unbecoming clothing - oh,well.

If someone is starting to date someone that has some serious "issues" such as being a drug dealer or abuser- that information should be passed on. (Whether the person will listen is debatable, but at least he/she will have been warned.)

sandpat

I prefer that my friends are honest with me, but I also prefer they not bash me over the head with it! You can at least be tactful when you tell me the bad stuff....you can shout when you tell me the good stuff. :D

I tend to be very careful with my words when handing over critical info. Then, if its something that isn't really important...I might just not mention it at all.

plainpat

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

mamaw

Bearisgray says it well....I cannot tell a person what they want to hear if I do not agree; and do give an explanation to explain why I disagree. I don't want to be or have a phoney friend.
Yes, I have lost a friendship for being honest and also love people being honest with me even if it hurts. Honesty is helpful if we listen with an open mind. I don't want any friends who butter things up thinking they need to in order to be my friend. Making excuses for one's actions doesn't make their actions right when they are only searching for positive justification.
I believe if somoeone walks out of your life because you are truthful, then say "good-bye" with no regrets. You can feel sad at losing a friend; but be proud of who you are for being yourself.
I can feel that this topic has stirred up a little emotion; but that is ok. I am enjoying reading everyone's responses. Am also interested in reading how some of you can chose to selectively say nothing if you disagree. Some people are honest to a fault, and that is how I describe myself lol.
EXAMPLE:
I recently went to the coast with a cousin and a friend for the last hoorah before cold weather. There was an ice cream booth offering samples for 25 cents and advertising lobster ice cream. Well, of course we had to try it!! When the owner asked for my opinion....I responded that it was "unique" and I definitely would not want a cone of it. Immediately, my cousin appologized for me and my honest response. I didn't like her doing that and the owner even spoke up and said "I like the honesty. It is fun listening to what people have to say about it". Then he went on to tell us there are 3 whole lobsters in each batch. I didn't feel badly about my opinion, but angered that my cousin felt the need to apologize for me.

lfw045

My hat is off to you mamaw! I feel the same way and no I would not regret it if someone decided to "out" me because I was honest with them.

grandjan

No, I actually don't believe total honesty is always necessary or kind. I think friendships have to be based on an understanding that you will be honest with one another about important things but I don't believe that saying hurtful things, whether in the name of honesty or some other reason, is a good thing so I guess my answer is sort of qualified.

mhansen6

I believe in being honest, but only when asked. My mother was brutally honest and she alienated both my sister and I because of it.

If someone asks my opinion then I give it to them. But I would never say something, even when asked, that would hurt someones feelings. It is better to keep it to yourself.

Debra Mc

I agree. I am blunt & what you see is what you get.

rosalia856

I feel if they are a real friend they will tell you things you don't like to hear. But I am sure you have told them more then once