Originally Posted by JenBlossom
This is an interesting thread for me. I have a 16-month-old who is just beginning to learn tantrums. My husband and I just stay calm and he stops quickly since it isn't working (I know this won't always be the case!). However, my mom gives into everything with him! Want to play with the lamp, ok just let Nana hold it still for you while you beat on it. Then he gets upset when Mommy and Daddy don't let him do the same :)
And yes giving into tantrums definitely creates self-centeredness...I have a 17 year-old brother who is living proof! (no plan after graduation as Mom typically saves the day)
You know something that might work for you? It was something my mother did until we left home, but it will probably work for you <g>
Whenever we would get really rambunctious, my mom would say: If you have that much energy, then you get out and clean the slab (or some other form of work)
What she was doing was teaching us to re-direct our energy into positive production.
Of course we were overworked! Of course we resented being told to do work! But, she still managed to teach us how to handle our energy in more positive ways.
Now, I watch a lot of RFD-TV, especially the horse training series ... and, one of the keys is: If the horse wants to show you his heels (shows disrespect) or acts up in some other appropriate way, start sending him around the round pen at a trot and then do some other exercises with him.
The key is: I can make you do something besides what you want to do (a good lesson for humans to learn, too) ...
One of the things I did with my children was: When they would act inappropriately, I would send them to their room until they could come out and be civil.
i started that at an extremely young age, so that by the time they could walk, they knew when I sent them to their room, that there was a way to get back out.
An example would be: Baby boy starts to pitch a fit. Mommy tells him to go pick up that little blue bear and bring it to the toy box.
As far as grandma giving in to JR ... you MUST intervene. She is interfering in a different way and she is old enough to understand "You will teach my child right from wrong, or there will be consequences".
I couldn't leave my kids alone with my parents because my mother would teach them to feel sorry for themselves and I would get ANIMALS back!
interesting how different personalities handle different problems, isn't it?
Keep looking for a solution - - you will find something that will work for you.
I also believe in a swift pop on the bumba! It is amazing what one swat at the right time can teach a child - - and, you have to do it young or you will find yourself with a mouthy teen who has been trained to ALWAYS override your sternest order. <wave>