pittsburgpam

It can be a little tricky walking the fine line between being a grandma and a mother. My grandson, who is not quite 2 years old, is getting a little out of hand, in my opinion. It's not too awfully bad yet but he will do things like try to take something from his 3 year old brother and if he doesn't get it he SCREAMS, at a very high pitch, at the top of his lungs and starts edging towards a tantrum. My daughter just tells the 3 year old to give it to him. That's wrong several ways... give into the 2 year old and not sticking up for the 3 year old.

I said, as gently as I could, that she shouldn't give into his screaming. It teaches him that if he does it, he gets what he wants. She didn't appreciate that and I may just need to not say anything more.

That doesn't mean that I have to give into it though. They came to visit on Sunday for a little bit and I was looking up something for us on my laptop that is on my ottoman. The 2 year old wanted the laptop, I wouldn't let him touch it. He then literally was trying to pry my hand off of the mouse because he wanted it. I didn't say a word, just kept my hand there and wouldn't let him have it. Boy, did he get mad. Not a full-blown tantrum but yelling, fussing, crawled up on mama and twisting all around.

I know young people don't want advise and I don't want to be the mother that tries to tell my daughter how to raise her children. On the other hand, we all learn from those before us and my mother would have, and did, correct my children too.

Do you just bite your tongue in this situation?

sueisallaboutquilts

That's got to be hard for you, Pam. I don't have GC but you are so right about giving in to him. We both know your daughter will pay for it down the road.
What about your house =your rules??

Jim's Gem

That's a tough one. I don't have any grandkids yet (first one due in May) I will have to watch and see what the answers are.

Chasing Hawk

With our Grandkids, we discipline then just like we did their parents.

Then after that we "sugar" them up and send them home......LOL

Ripped on Scotch

I'm not a mom but I do the same thing with my neice. She bats her eyes and everyone gives into her every time. So one night she was having a sleep over at our house and didn't eat her dinner... I was grabbing some ice for her brother, he hit his head and we were going to put some ice on it and saw some cookie dough in the freezer. She tried to take it and I said no. She doesn't try that with me any more.

Ramona Byrd

One of my sisters, years ago, said that her son was much better mannered after I made the comment that "NO one ever loves a brat". And when he gets in school the other kids will smack the tar out of him, they have ways of getting even with brats.

She started training him at about 3 years old and he's the most charming gentleman you can imagine at age 44 or so. And he's also a guard in a prison, so he's not a meek guy either.

My youngest daughter tried the screaming and hurling herself on the floor and holding her breath. I simply dumped the water from a vase of flowers on her head and stood there, clapping at her antics. She got so mad at that she got up and sulked in her room for a while, then came out all friendly again.

nursie76

I know how hard it is when you can see so clearly what needs to be done, but his mama won't listen.

Tantrums are typical for this age group, but you are so right! How you handle them determines what the child learns. If he is always given his own way...it is giving him the wrong message - throw tantrum = get own way, and he will take this into adolescence and adulthood. Of course you already know that but you voiced your concern, and I guess for now, just have to make attempts to correct him the proper way when he is in your home or you are baby sitting.

It is definitely a fine line to walk between gram and mom....best of luck.

nursie76

Love it! Score one for mom!

Momof3Es

I guess I am strange because I actually ask my mom for advice on how to control my kids. That's the problem now a days. No discipline! If the mom doesn't step in now and not let the 2 yrold have what ever he wants the 3 yro will take care of it by himself in a couple of years. It will come down to the older one saying to his parents 'you let him have everything, you love him more' or worse yet the 3 yrold regressing into doing the same actions to get what he wants. I mean why not! It works for his little bro!
These ppl that don't want help from ppl that have been there done that are just crazy!! Why make the same mistakes that have already been made! Good luck and like Sue said above your house your rules. If you don't like it there's the door. Don't let it hit ya where the good Lord split ya!!

pittsburgpam

Of course I would not put up with it if he was alone with me but it's a bit different when mama is sitting right there and/or I am at her house.

I also have a 10 year old granddaughter who would not pull the things with me that she does with her mother. She used to have the habit of EVERY SINGLE PLACE we/she would go, she absolutely HAD to use the restroom. I started to see it for what it was. She could make the adults do what she wanted, interrupt dinner at a restaurant, whatever, by making them take her to the bathroom.

I took her out to brunch one day, all was fine, and I happened to be looking at her when she saw the door to the bathrooms. She immediately said, "I have to go to the bathroom." I told her she could wait, I wasn't leaving my meal to get cold and she could finish eating first. She sulked for a few minutes and then totally forgot about it. She doesn't do that with me anymore.