I would also give the gifts... you are only responsible for giving the gift not responsible for their reactions... And, I also don't like the white elephant idea for family members... our family used to bring a gift if you show up.. women.. women gift men, men gifts... we had more fun with that. But give the gifts.. you had this planned long ago and tell them that. Next year i probably wouldn't do anything... unless your heart tells you to..not because you have to.
Judy