I haven't read all of the posts (yet), but I agree with a lot of what has been written. I think personally, I would try asking her if she would like for you to bring the quilt home to launder it. If she cares about the quilt, she will probably accept your offer or she will do something about it once you've gone. She will see how much you value her quilt. If she seems not to care, then you'll just have to let it go. When she grows up, she'll probably be more appreciative.