There is never any excuse to steal. She is an energy thief. She drains you for her own enjoyment. Do not enable her. You said her daughter is forced to apologize for her. She is abusing both of you. If she were your spouse, you would have grounds for divorce on abuse charges. Help your DDIL by not letting her do this to both of you. You sound like you are one of the lucky ones who have a pleasant DDIL, so be her friend and stop enabling her mom, or stop telling her about it. You three are caught on an awful treadmill. Step off the machine. Merry Christmas.