In my former life, I was required to go to court on a regular basis, no for work, not misdeeds....We in this county have a wonderful judge who is known for plain speaking and for giving the "birth control speech" to parents who cannot parent. Here is my favorite.
Monday Morning, Temporary custody hearings, an array of caseworkers, lawyers, parents and other interested persons.
Mom # 1 comes up and Judge B. askes is the father of these children here (five children have been removed for unsafe home conditions) Yes, a man stands up, I am the father. He comes up to the front, case dealt with, we go on Mom #4 comes up, again, is the father in the court. Same man stands up, I am the father of these (three) children. Case dealt with and we move on. Last Mom of the day comes up and again the father was asked for. Now this woman is pitiful looking, more than usual. Her hair is hanging in her face, she is bowed over, tears streaming down her face. She is painfully thin, dressed in dirty jeans and teeshirt. She was arrested for meth use and thrown in jail losing her child to care in the process. I truly sad creature. Is the father in the court, Yes the same man as before stands up.
"I am here on another matter your honor, parole violation, but I am the father of the child."
Judge B looks askance at him....
" Now your are the father of the five children?"
"yes I am your honor",
"and you are the father of the three children?"
"yes I am your honor"
"Now you are the father or this child too?"
" I am" and the man looks at the pitiful woman with a sneer says "I don't know how I got into this one"
Judge B. in a firm tone
"I do, you unzipped your pants and your dick fell out."
A full court room stifles giggles and snorts of laughter.
I regret to say that same man had to in a few minutes go up in front of that same judge for his own criminal issues. The bad news his parole was revoked, the good news he could not father any children in jail.
Just as a foot note, he had many more other children in the community. His habit was father a child by a woman on welfare and then rent her one of the many houses he owned for the cost of the house payment. He was a long shore-man so made good pay. His parole was for assaulting one of the mothers of his children and was violated for breaking a restraining order. Ah some times I miss listening to Judge B hand down his pithy comments but I never miss the pathetic array of parents who just could not seem to figure out how be a good enough parent.