You have brought up so many great points just by relaying this story!!
Our serviceman give up their lives in so many ways. There are some that say that they signed up for it knowing that this is part of the deal. I do not agree with this at all.
If they dont lose their life in actual battle then theres the loss of loved ones that sometimes do not understand how hard it is for their spouse/significant other to be away so long. Also the fact that what they do see over there changes them. I have a 2ns cousin who served 2 terms in Iraq and was just 19 when he went the first time. He is now 26 and has been home now for a little over two years. In some ways it has changed him for the better - he doesnt take the generousity of afamily and friends for granted anymore and takes time now with my aging uncles and is his right hand guy now. But he is no longer the outgoing kid he left as. He is withdrawn and has trouble functioning in life in the states now. God knows he has tried!! He goes to counseling and does work but its a daily struggle.
Our family has reached out to him the best way we can without pushing too hard - its such a fine line!! I have 2 cousins that are carreer military -flying a[aches and have also served overseas. they have moved up the ranks now (both been in for about 20 years) unfortunately they are in the opinion that he should just buck up and get on with life - doesnt understand why he is having so much trouble and thought he should have stuck the military life out. As I pointed out to one of them when they were in town one day - yes they entered military at same age but their fighting experiences happened at a later time in their careers and they were older and much more mature. I am not saying the other cousin was immature by any means but he did not have several years on in state training to better prepare him-he had about 3-6 months basic and was shipped out! Also its so much easier in my opinion to shoot at an "enemy" from the far reaches of an aircraft where you dont actually see the "enemy" face to face. To me a whole different ballgame!!!
I am sorry I just had to vent a little - Thanks to you for all you are doing to make the transitions easier for our service men and woman. It would be a very hard job! THANKS FOR ALL YOU DO!!!