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Thread: My plans changed tonight

  1. #1
    Super Member Quiltforme's Avatar
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    As I was getting ready to post my fabric for sale my husband received a call. We are used to getting calls at night but I still cannot get used to these calls. Some know about our other business. It will never get easy. The caller was a friend of a hero that lost his life, she was frantic because she was at a loss as to how to help the wife, the wife has stopped talking which is not a good sign. A distraught voice is one you don't forget. I hurt for these families they feel like my own. I make quilts to comfort by how do you take away the hurt. I hurt for the children I hurt for the wife who lost her husband. The friends who have no idea how to help. There are so many men and women out there who serve everyday are are expected to be these strong people and are afraid to let others down. This young man returned from Iraq a few months ago PLEASE if you know a service man or women who has returned please check on them make sure they are adjusting to "normal" life. Depression is so hard to see when they cover it so well. We are trying to help get a program together we are at the very beginning of this to get these men and women help when they return. Thank you for understanding. Jade

  2. #2
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    This is very sad. It is hard to know what to say at a time like this. I hope the program will help others in need of this kind of help. You are a good soul to care so deeply about others. :thumbup:

  3. #3
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    So very sad, God will bless you for your work.

  4. #4
    Senior Member momcpo's Avatar
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    Thank you for your work Jade. My son is in the Army. Thankfully he is a reservist and has not had to deploy yet. Being retired Navy myself, It's hard to explain the "military" mentality to those who haven't been there. It is especially hard on our service members who have had to deploy. Check on their families left at home also. They are alot of times alone, not knowing who to talk to or turn to for help.

  5. #5
    Super Member sewwhat85's Avatar
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    so sorry

  6. #6
    Power Poster earthwalker's Avatar
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    Jade, half the battle is raising awareness. I wish you well in your endeavours and believe me the quilts that are made for servicemen/women and their families are a tangible way of letting them know people care.

  7. #7
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Jade, this is so sad and all too REAL. Awareness is the key. Thanks for the post.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Maggie_1963's Avatar
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    I'm sorry...I admire your efforts though, we can never do enough to help those that have paid the price for us, I hope they can somehow find peace and comfort. Bless you.

  9. #9
    NannySandy's Avatar
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    Jade, Bless you for doing this. You are special!!! God Bless you and those you are helping. Big hugs sent to you! Sandy

  10. #10
    Super Member jemma's Avatar
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    it will continue to be harder to deal with the longer suicide is hidden----bring it more into the light--we may then learn to see when someone is troubled more easily--so difficult for families to deal with it addso many more dimentions to the grief---being there is all you can do sometimes

  11. #11
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    So many of our service people coming back are suffering from a lot of depression and post-traumatic stress syndrome.

  12. #12
    Super Member jemma's Avatar
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    P T S D------look up rapid eye movement therapy----pm mme if you want more info

  13. #13
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    I work for the Army. They and the other services offer a variety of free programs & services for service members and their families who need personal counseling. The Military & Family Life Consultants Program is one of them.

    MHN, Health Netís behavioral health division, provides short-term, non-medical counseling at military installations, at drill weekends for National Guard and Reserve Component members or wherever military families come together for support Ė nationwide and overseas. The Military & Family Life Consultant (MFLC) Program has more than 250 consultants assisting the needs of active duty, National Guard and Reserve Component members and their families with everyday issues.

    Consultants typically make contact during pre- and post-deployment training, but may approach military members and their families in places such as libraries, local restaurants or bowling alleys. MFLCs are there to talk to and help with lifeís challenges. It is an opportunity to reach out and speak confidentially to a specially trained professional.

    MFLCs provide support for relationships, crisis intervention, stress management, grief, occupational hazards, and other challenges military families face. Their goal is to help empower individuals to work through their issues, increase individual and family harmony and promote confidence in handling the stress of military life. Recognizing the close relationship between emotional stressors and financial challenges faced by military families, MHN also provides financial counseling to assist service personnel and their families manage expenses, save appropriately and budget wisely.

    Services are free and private; between the service member or family member(s) and the counsultant.

    If you know anybody you think needs help, please contact the Family Support Coordinator on the nearest installation or National Guard or Reserve unit.

    If you need help figuring out how to do that, let me know.

  14. #14
    Super Member aneternalpoet's Avatar
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    remembering that " religion" is not welcome here on the board as part of the rules, I took off the poem I felt led to write as I was woken up an hour ago. I reposted it somewhere else, for you, Jade.. you will find it I am sure.. Just know that my prayers are with you, in this calling, and for the family whose loved one has died.

  15. #15
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    My nephew got back from Afghanistan and was shot down in an Osprey, he really does not talk much about it, but when he is ready I will listen and be there for the hugs he needs. I will never know how or why he feels what he does, but to Thank him for everything he has down and his troops.

  16. #16
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    I have adopted a soldier in Iraq. He emails me when he can. I am retired and have time to do this. I try to send email every 2-3 days and have sent him some packages of things he wanted plus some other stuff. He has no family. My brother in law was a medic and his wife got him into therapy shortly after he returned. I feel that if we can do something for one of "our guys" it is well worth the time. You can just search for Adopt a Soldier if you are so inclined.

  17. #17
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    You have brought up so many great points just by relaying this story!!

    Our serviceman give up their lives in so many ways. There are some that say that they signed up for it knowing that this is part of the deal. I do not agree with this at all.

    If they dont lose their life in actual battle then theres the loss of loved ones that sometimes do not understand how hard it is for their spouse/significant other to be away so long. Also the fact that what they do see over there changes them. I have a 2ns cousin who served 2 terms in Iraq and was just 19 when he went the first time. He is now 26 and has been home now for a little over two years. In some ways it has changed him for the better - he doesnt take the generousity of afamily and friends for granted anymore and takes time now with my aging uncles and is his right hand guy now. But he is no longer the outgoing kid he left as. He is withdrawn and has trouble functioning in life in the states now. God knows he has tried!! He goes to counseling and does work but its a daily struggle.
    Our family has reached out to him the best way we can without pushing too hard - its such a fine line!! I have 2 cousins that are carreer military -flying a[aches and have also served overseas. they have moved up the ranks now (both been in for about 20 years) unfortunately they are in the opinion that he should just buck up and get on with life - doesnt understand why he is having so much trouble and thought he should have stuck the military life out. As I pointed out to one of them when they were in town one day - yes they entered military at same age but their fighting experiences happened at a later time in their careers and they were older and much more mature. I am not saying the other cousin was immature by any means but he did not have several years on in state training to better prepare him-he had about 3-6 months basic and was shipped out! Also its so much easier in my opinion to shoot at an "enemy" from the far reaches of an aircraft where you dont actually see the "enemy" face to face. To me a whole different ballgame!!!

    I am sorry I just had to vent a little - Thanks to you for all you are doing to make the transitions easier for our service men and woman. It would be a very hard job! THANKS FOR ALL YOU DO!!!

  18. #18
    Kas
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    Well, and not to mention that when you are up in the air shooting people, it isn't as personal as when you are on the ground, looking them in the eye. My DH flew A6s during Desert Storm. He never really talked about how he felt about that until we watched "Band of Brothers". He really joined the Navy to fly and become an astronaut. He always said if he had to drop bombs on anybody, he would get out. Of course, timing is everything. So it took him awhile longer than he planned to get out. We got married May 19th and they left for the Gulf Dec. 7th. A day that will live in infamy. Those were such horrible months for me. After the war actually started, I hated to even go anywhere that wasn't a phone # known to the C.O.'s wife. We were glued to the tv and the news. So many people we knew were shot down. Luckily we only lost two people from DH's carrier, but that was 2 too many. It is so hard for the families and you just really don't know what they are going through until you have been there yourself. And even then, it is a different situation on the ground. My oldest sons want to go into the Marines and I just cringe. I am afraid for them, already.

  19. #19
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    Look for your local chapter of AFSP.org. There is a ton of info out there (and services) that can help you.

    We are in the process of chartering our local group and as awareness increases, you will see so many facets you would never think are needing help.

    Good luck in your endeavors!

  20. #20
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    Please check out state, county, and city help that may be available. My son-in-law works for Orange Co. in CA. He has worked counselling returnees and now is working in a program helping returnees with spousal abuse. He counsels them and goes to court with them etc. More and more local agencies see that they need to be involved in the lives of these returning soldiers. Our son-in-law was a Marine and is now retired. He was in the original Desert Storm. He understands what they are going through.

  21. #21
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    Are you dealing with the vets and family around Ft. Lewis?
    Military duty during times of conflict is never easy...but the problems seem to have really increased since Viet Nam. Combat was much "easier" (for want of a better word) when you knew just who your enemy was. These days, with "undeclared" conflicts, our service men have so many restrictions it's no wonder they come back with "issues".
    Take care, keep up the good work, your being there IS appreciated.
    Thank those vets for their service for my DH and myself please.

  22. #22
    Super Member Margie's Avatar
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    God bless the men and women who serve our country and their families. I cannot even begin to imagine the horrors they have had to deal with.

  23. #23
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    Hi, There is an organization that might be of some help. It Wounded Warriors... I play games on IWON to raise money for their this organization. Just type in Wounded Warriors and it will give you the website. They might be able to give your friend places to contact for support for the family. Good Luck. My son is also military.

  24. #24
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    OOPS.. I may have sent a confusing message... Wounded Warriors is the website.. not the game site.

  25. #25
    Senior Member gramabiese's Avatar
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    What you are doing is a huge help to these men and women. Sometimes we think our quilts are just quilts, but I had a young man tell me that everytime he looks at his quilt he is reminded of the note that was with it, and it makes him realize his life is important. Readjustment is a long term thing.

    BTW the note we include says:
    Just to let you know that you are one very important person and we are so glad that you are a part of this world.

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