Not funny at all ..... I'm am right there with you! ... Hand quilting is what I have been doing for the last few years, and the out-put is minimal .... I KNOW machine quilting would be faster, but somehow or other I have not been able to just jump right in on that yet .... my machine is old and reliable, but the "old" is the better part of that combo :-)
Keep at it .... I think slow-and-steady will win out in the long run.