The standard for "good behavior" will be different from one household to the next, with no right or wrong answers. The OP would hate it at my house because my dogs have access to the furniture, may chew their toys wherever they like, and in some cases are still learning our expectations. If we had young children or something it might be different, but that's not the reality. If someone asked me to pen my dogs while they were in my home I'd politely rescind the invitation for them to visit.
We don't take our pets anywhere without an express invitation for them. For the most part this means we don't travel much -- and we are perfectly fine with that. We also meet some of our friends out for dinner and drinks, etc., so that unless they specifically ask they are not subjected to behavior WE like but THEY may find objectionable.
FYI, penning is not always a good solution. Do you want dog(s) screaming in the background for your entire visit? Because if they are out of control outside of their crates this is exactly what you're going to get. (Trust me, I have some experience with this LOL)
Don't say a thing, just don't go there anymore. The dogs live there, you don't like the dogs and the owners have already chosen to live the way they live whether you're there or not. Seems logical to me that you'd just stop visiting them in their home. Your husband can go there anytime without you, right? They aren't YOUR best friends, so let the boys do their thing, and when a group get together is called for just do it somewhere else.
And peace will descend on the people. :)