The sweltering curse
(In blistering verse)
By: Mary Schmich
Too hot, too hot
Too hot to think
Too hot, so hot
I need a drink.
A drink with ice
To dry my sweat
Just standing still
I'm sopping wet.
Too hot, too hot
Too hot to work
(A great excuse
To nap and shirk.)
I'll tell the boss
I'm off today
(Although it is
Too hot to play.)
Too hot to nap
Too hot to eat
Too hot to dress
Too hot to tweet.
It's hot too early
Hot too late
So many hot hot
Things to hate:
That sticky feel
Behind the knees
That icky dirty
Ozone breeze.
The stinky sweat
Upon your feet
The clammy ring
Left on your seat.
Your frizzy hair
Your soggy bed
The coming outage
From ComEd.
It's hotter here
Than Phoenix dirt
It's hotter than
Ms. Monroe's skirt.
It's Southern hot
Oh no, it's worse
At least the South
Expects this curse.
It's Houston hot!
Miami heat!
It's hotter than
On Bourbon Street!
So hot Chicago's
Like a bog
It's muggy, buggy
Dense with fog.
Too hot too hot
To tell a joke
How hot is that?
Like I said, it is just too hot to think of a good "it's so hot" joke.
So hot that
Blago's hair might wilt
But not so hot
He'll melt with guilt.
So very very
Very hot
So hot you smell
The mold and rot.
So hot it chafes
Your inner legs
So hot that chickens
Lay fried eggs.
So hot the air
Could bake a peach
Too hot to lie
Out at the beach.
Too hot to play
A game of ball
So hot you fondly
Dream of fall.
So hot you even
Miss the snow
Oh, where'd the bliss
Of blizzards go?
Too hot to walk
Too hot to bike
Too hot to jog
Too hot to hike
But as we swelter
Whine and moan
Let's not forget:
This heat's on loan.
As fast as we
Can say July
The summer will
Have said goodbye.
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