Originally Posted by AFQSinc
I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.
Absolutely the correct answer. Never deny her the acknowledgement of her baby's death.
Give the quilt as you wanted to design it. The rawness of the loss will be slightly diminished by the time they receive it, only because they will be spending vast amounts of emotional energy on the surviving twin who will likely be hospitalized for quite a while yet. Encourage her to talk about the babies and just let her know you feel sorry for her pain. You really don't need to make any other comments.
(I learned these things through my childbirth education practice and doula work in TX.)
Jan in VA