You say you have your 'hormone levels' checked each year, but the ones they are checking for are usually limited to just ovarian ones (FSH). We also have a thyroid, pituitary, adrenals, and who knows what else, producing hormones.
I am firmly convinced more than a couple of these get out of whack during perimenopause....and what is normal for you may not be for the next woman. Symptoms such as yours are all too often common during this stage of a woman's life. And in some countries this is a defense in criminal cases!
I suffered terribly with perimenopause symptoms for nearly a decade, which is unusually long, so feel I'm a tiny bit qualified to speak about what helped me. I had a hysterectomy at age 40 following a year of horrifically heavy periods that left me unable to leave the house for 2 days every month. It looked like someone had been murdered in my bathroom or bed sometimes. I was on 'replacement therapy' for about 2 years when I took myself off them over personal concerns about their safety.
Eventually, after nearly destroying my marriage and after standing in the walk-in closet with a loaded gun in my hand, I finally got to a doctor who started me on Effexor XR as mentioned above. That was a good improvement, but not a cure-all. Still didn't like my distant, uncaring, and misunderstanding DH, but soon felt better about myself and calmer.
I learned about self-guided imagery and a technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), and used them regularly. (
http://www.emofree.com/)
I had my thyroid checked (normal).
I allowed myself 'time off' to do nothing but read and nap on days I really needed that, without having to make excuses or explain myself.
I hope you will also find your own way on this journey, but give some thought to trying some of the things you've read in these posts.
Best to you from tose who've been there!
Jan in VA