What I hear you saying is, since your brother died, you are feeling alot of pain and depession. If that is so, then you probably do not have the gumption to stand up to your DH about this situation. You sound depressed to me and in need of some professional help. A professional can help you work through your grief and the difficulties you and your DH are having.
I am also wondering if DH 'moved' into your space thinking he wanted to keep you company or maybe he needed you to kep him company.
Make out your list beginning with what needs done first, and so on. Include cost, materials, date you and he will work on getting it done together. Don't wait for him to get going on it. He may not be able to if he himself is suffering depression. Ask me how I know. My DH has PTSD, depression, and depending on who you talk to, bipolar. Some days he just cannot function like a 'normal' human being.