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Thread: My husband just doesnt understand

  1. #1

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    My husband just doesnt get it. He doenst see the value in what I do. Sewing is like breathing for me. Fabric runs through my hands like water. I do sew custom professhionaly and it is my job . Has been for many years. We built an addition for a sewing studieo 10 years ago and I is still sitting full of junk un finished. I do window treatments, cornice boards, custom bedding , slipcovers ... You name I have made it. What the heck ! I feel so let down. Frustrated to tears ? ? ? What is a woman to do ? Any one ?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Rhaorth's Avatar
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    don't worry about him not seeing the value in it, it is your passion, not his.

    as for the studio still sitting full of junk unfinished do you mean the room is unfinished or your projects are unfinished?

    If the room is unfinished, get him to finish it or hire someone to come finish it.

  3. #3
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    If you can, hire someone to finish the project and get on with your God given talent!!

  4. #4
    Super Member feffertim's Avatar
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    If he doesn't want to finish it for you, then you have no option but to hire a handyman to do the job. I think 10 years is long enough to wait. Just take on the project yourself and find someone to do what you need

  5. #5
    Super Member Crqltr's Avatar
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    Tell him you are going to use the sewing profits to hire some one to finish the room, if that does not motivate him then hire it done....

  6. #6

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    It has drywall hard wood floors windows celing fan Big TV Flat screen Where he watches TV, Usually football or basball all the time. It is 18 X 24 feet.

  7. #7
    Super Member LeslieFrost's Avatar
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    Hmmmm... You didn't say what your husband did or said that brought on this funkish feeling now....

    Anyway, since you have been doing this successfully so long, I think you should adopt an attitude of sailing right by him, confident that you are doing the right thing and ignoring his not understanding (so far as possible).

    It seems to me that you need to take charge of the sewing studio that never got finished and get it fixed up. It is maybe too large a project for one person? Do you have a couple of girl friends who might be induced to come over for a day to help? You could bribe them with goodies! Put on some great music and just whale in there. Throw things away with abandon! Fill up the garage instead! Make yourself some room. Don't ask for hubby's help until absolutely necessary. Just do it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Granny Quilter's Avatar
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    Since you do all those things, you can finish the sewing studio yourself and make your job more pleasant. Men have a different kind of brain than we women do. Do what you enjoy and don't expect him to understand.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Rhaorth's Avatar
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    hmmm so the problem is that you are having to share the space with him, when it was supposed to be just for your sewing?

    Is there anywhere else that he can put his stuff?
    Is there another room you could claim as yours for your sewing?

    Have you sat down and discussed this with him, letting him know just how much it is hurting you that you are not getting your space?

  10. #10
    Senior Member fabrichore's Avatar
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    Big ((HUG)) for you, and that is his issue that he does not understand, you do and that is all that matters...sorry you are sad...

  11. #11
    Senior Member fabrichore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeslieFrost
    Hmmmm... You didn't say what your husband did or said that brought on this funkish feeling now....

    Anyway, since you have been doing this successfully so long, I think you should adopt an attitude of sailing right by him, confident that you are doing the right thing and ignoring his not understanding (so far as possible).

    It seems to me that you need to take charge of the sewing studio that never got finished and get it fixed up. It is maybe too large a project for one person? Do you have a couple of girl friends who might be induced to come over for a day to help? You could bribe them with goodies! Put on some great music and just whale in there. Throw things away with abandon! Fill up the garage instead! Make yourself some room. Don't ask for hubby's help until absolutely necessary. Just do it.
    DITTO

    :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

  12. #12
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    don't feel required to have someone else validate you. You are the daughter of the most high King and that makes you a princess. You have talents and dreams. So some things go unfinished. We all have that. You are doing what you enjoy for a living and things get done when they get done.

  13. #13

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    I think he hopes I will just give up and forget about it. I have continually invested it the things I need to establish my studieo hoping he see how important it is to me. I guess I could by pass him up and do it my self. I love him and dont want him to feel disrespected. But I am ready to move on or out is that to drastic. I have even suggested buying a cheep building. where I could creat and run a boothing business. So the ladies could come in and rent space to have there dream mini antique shop. And wouldnt we all love to do that. So seriouly feeling traped.

  14. #14
    Power Poster QuiltE's Avatar
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    Being that the custom sewing is your job/business, then it's also part of that business for you to finish the room that was intended for it. Just.Do.It!

    Yes, there is another problem ... it has been used for sometime for other than for your business. And it appears that it's been for more than storage ... you mentioned a flat screen, and his watching TV. Looks like he has changed this into his man-cave.

    Take hold ... and start emptying the stuff, and converting it back to your Business Location!

  15. #15
    Power Poster QuiltE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen Powell
    ...I love him and dont want him to feel disrespected. ....
    Though it's OK for you to feel disrespected?

  16. #16
    Super Member janRN's Avatar
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    If we don't value ourselves why would anyone else value us? (hope that made sense). If this is important to you, then you have to take control of the situation with or without his approval/validation. It's what you do for a living and what you love to do. That's all that should matter. After 10 years, you have given him reason to assume you no longer need that space. Time for a serious discussion. Make a list of what needs done, why it needs done, and set a time line or deadline. No threats, just honest discussion. Then if it's not completed in that time frame, have another discussion, then hire out the job. I wish you good luck with this; I don't know your family dynamic but my DH doesn't "see" what needs done; I firmly but kindly point them out. Maybe your DH just needs a reminder of what needs to be done to finish this project.

  17. #17
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    No idea where you live so not sure of the urgency if weather is a factor to completing your sewing room. But it certainly would not hurt to get an estimate or two to what it would cost to have someone come in to do it. (It may be cheaper than you think.) Also, you said it was full of "junk." What kind of junk? Junk that would make a good yard sale? Or junk there is no way you can get rid of it and may be appropriate to rent a storage unit. So you may want to get an estimate of a local storage unit close by or maybe invest in one of those little storage sheds to have in the back yard.

    My husband was never very supportive of my sewing, crocheting, etc hobbies until I asked him what he wanted me to do. Was I suppose to sit still and just watch TV with him? I need to keep busy. If I am watching TV, usually I have clothes washing, dishes washing, sewing something or on my computer. Just sitting is very hard on me. He cannot understand that I can watch TV and read a book.

    They have different ideas what we need and enjoy. Some men are extremely supportive, others just shake their heads. We have been married 38 years and when my eldest moved into her own home I took over the room as my sewing room. He has the front room for his drum room. You just find a happy medium.

  18. #18
    Super Member Veronica's Avatar
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    10 years...it's time to take a stand.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Kehoeta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen Powell
    I think he hopes I will just give up and forget about it. I have continually invested it the things I need to establish my studieo hoping he see how important it is to me. I guess I could by pass him up and do it my self. I love him and dont want him to feel disrespected. But I am ready to move on or out is that to drastic. I have even suggested buying a cheep building. where I could creat and run a boothing business. So the ladies could come in and rent space to have there dream mini antique shop. And wouldnt we all love to do that. So seriouly feeling traped.
    I'm sorry the you feel his being disrepsected it more important than you feeling disrespected. It sounds like your passion is a vital part to your family welfare. Time to assert yourself...

  20. #20

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    Awh I love your dog ! How cute.

  21. #21
    Super Member Glassquilt's Avatar
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    Can you start moving non-sewing stuff into the dining room / living room? Leave TV alone and start setting up your end the way you want it. Paint the walls, hang pictures & curtains. Decorate your portion. Maybe he'll like how nice it looks and help finish the rest.

    Years & years ago, when wives stayed at home and didn't work outside, I read an article in one of those woman's magazines about getting hubby to fix the broken back of a chair. The suggestion was to fix it with Scotch tape doing a very crude job. Hubby would be too embarrassed to let anyone else see it and would therefore rush to get it done properly.

  22. #22
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    I would not have waited 10 yrs. I would have hired someone to finish it long before that. Love him??? maybe. like him I don't think so. I am my own self and usually do what I want.

  23. #23

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    Good idea do you know a scotch tape whole saler HUM wonder how curtains out of duct tape would look. LOL I love everyones ideas and you are making me really think about this seriously. I am a deeply devoted woman and pray for everyone and every thing else. Perhaps its not a bad Idea to pray for somthing for my self. Is that selfish ?

  24. #24
    Power Poster QuiltE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen Powell
    Good idea do you know a scotch tape hole saler HUM wonder how curtains out of duct tape would look. LOL I love everyones ideas and you are making me really think about this seriously. I am a deeply devoted woman and pray for everyone and every thing else. Perhaps its not a bad Idea to pray for somthing for my self. Is that selfish ?
    Absolutely NOT ... if you don't take care of yourself FIRST and foremost, you can't continue to take care of everyone else.

    There's a quote (wish I knew who penned it first?) that I have anchored to for years ...
    "Saying NO is saying YES to yourself"

    It's about time you said NO to all this other stuff that is happening around you and to you, and start taking care of Number One ... that's YOU!!! :)

  25. #25
    Super Member bluteddi's Avatar
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    yep... whats always worked best to get hubby motivated to get MY projects done.. is for ME to jump in and at least ACT like I am going to finish it..... He is all about" u mighthurt ur self on that ladder" , u dont' need to be trying to paint that ceiling, ur gonna hit ur fingers with that hammer, etc etc etc,,,,, " smile.... works every time....

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