I understand that you were curious about how well the quilt was doing since you put a lot of love into the project.
Sorry about your disappointment.
The fact that the quilt is still on the bed (regardless of the condition) says a lot to me. The fact that nobody has fessed up to the damage says even more..
If they ask for things and you KNOW how careless they are, it is still your decision whether you give them what they want or not.
Once a gift is given (unless it comes with clauses) it belongs to the recipient. REGARDLESS how the recipient treats the gift.
You don't want to fix it (you hate patching) and you were not asked to do so.
My thought: let it go.
My niece-in-law was expecting to get a quilt from me. She took a path in life that was destructive and irresponsible. In one of the chapters she lost a beautiful hand-made afghan from her grandmother because she didn't pay the storage fee and everything she owned was auctioned off. I refuse to make a quilt under those circumstances. I felt bad because I went back on a promise, but the promise was made under a different set of expectations.