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Thread: I am just sick!!

  1. #1
    Super Member PurplePassion's Avatar
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    About 2 years ago , I made my son a queen size quilt -with Harley bandanas and bike print fabrics. It took me 2 years to get it done, trying to get it just right. I gave it to him for Christmas and he really liked it. Well I went over to his house yesterday to drop off some stuff; he was at work. The bedroom door was open and I saw the quilt laying on the bed . so I went in to see how it looked on the bed. and my heart just about stopped. I saw a couple of big holes in it. I asked the DIL what happened to the quilt? She said , he locked the dog in the bedroom , one day when they were gone, so she wouldn't get into stuff. And she got mad and chewed up the quilt. There were at least 3 huge holes in it and probably alot of little ones. I was just in shock. All the time thinking I had made him something special . :cry: I don't know if I should try to patch it , so it doesn't fall apart some more? What do you think? I still have some of the fabrics. I hate patching!
    That whole family --my son, his wife and 3 kids--they never take care of anything or appreciate anything. But they are always asking for stuff.
    Thanks for listening --Elaine

  2. #2
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    You should go get it and bring it home with you!!!!!

  3. #3
    jacquemoe's Avatar
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    Don't repair it!!!!!!!!!!!! FORGET IT! Just think how you'd feel if you repaired it and same thing happened. Did you get an apology? My ex DIL put one of my quilt in the dog cage with the dog and went to work. It's long before I was making decent quilts but I did put some time into it.

    Okay. Do what Loretta says and repair it...............then keep it and put it in your will for your son LOL

  4. #4
    Super Member Boston1954's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninnie
    You should go get it and bring it home with you!!!!!
    AND KEEP IT. He does not deserve anything hand made if he is going to treat it like that. You put too much time into this for it to be wrecked!!

    A friend of mine once told me she made a quilt for her mother. The mother put the hand made quilt on the bed to protect a store bought comforter from getting dirty by the dog jumping on it. She said she would NEVER AGAIN make anything for her mother.

  5. #5
    Super Member Teacup's Avatar
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    That's heartbreaking. It sounds like it wasn't intentional with the dog, but very frustrating to see what happened to your hard work, which I'm sure you put a lot of thought into as well as time and expense. I'd only offer to repair it if you think they WANT it repaired. Did they show regret/remorse for what happened to they quilt? Are they heartsick? If so, you can be generous and give the quilt more time and energy with repairs. If not, you might want to leave it be and just resolve to not make any more big quilted projects as their gifts...perhaps a small utility lap quilt, a table runner or something that won't take as much effort or be quite so frustrating to witness if they don't take care of it.

  6. #6
    Super Member PurplePassion's Avatar
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    She said he was really upset about it. And they no longer have the dog; she was put to sleep in April --old age and health problems.
    I have too many quilts that I want to make for fun,--I don't know if I can be happy patching this one? I am always glad when I get one done and it can leave the house; so I can work on another one. I haven't talked to him about it yet.

  7. #7
    Super Member henryparrish76's Avatar
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    I would just leave it as it is. Your son is old enough now to know how to be responsible and take care of his things.
    If your son asks you to patch it up for him, do it on the condition that he doesn't let the dog get to it again because this repair will be the last repair you do on it, and explain the reason above about him being old enough to take care of his things.

  8. #8
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    I know this isn't the same thing but it puts me in mind of when my daughter was little and made a huge mess in her room. She was too small to clean it but not too small to sit in a chair and watch me clean it for two hours. By the time it was done she knew not to do that again. She did do it again though when she was 12 or so. I cleaned her room for 8 hours that time and when she came home and saw it was all happy until I evicted her from the room. She slept on the couch for a month. She was allowed to point to things she wanted in her room and I went in to get them. When she was allowed back in the room she kept it spotless.

    If you want to repair it make him sit and watch what it takes to do. Maybe then he will take care of it.

  9. #9
    Super Member Iluv2quilt's Avatar
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    What a nightmare! I'd be horrified! My heart goes out to you, all that loving hard work. I'm not sure what I'd do, maybe take it back, repair it and wait until the kids are old enough (20s?) to appreciate what grandma did. I'm sorry that happened.

    suzi

  10. #10
    Super Member PurplePassion's Avatar
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    He is 33 years old. He has seen me work on other quilts . He knows how much I put into them. He doesn't have time to come over and help me with things I need help with. He sure wouldn't sit here for days to watch me fix his quilt and listen to me bitch at him some more , about taking care of his things. I like to quilt alone. I guess I just have to cool off a bit from this one.

  11. #11
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    Don't repair and from now on just give him a box of chocolate covered cherries (they are cheap!) as a gift. :mrgreen:

  12. #12
    Super Member Moonpi's Avatar
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    No suggestions, but I know how upset you must be. [[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

  13. #13
    Super Member PurplePassion's Avatar
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    moonpi , thank you,

  14. #14
    Super Member gcathie's Avatar
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    guess I see it a little different.......seems to me he knew this would hurt you and couldn't tell you about what happened to the quilt....after the fact he should have known better .......and they weren't thinking when the dog was left in there and accidents do happen........I would make a new one and say now take care of this one......after all it is just a quilt......and life goes on..........I'm a fine one to give advice....I pretty much have all my quilts cause I can't stand the thought of someone not loving them like I do....:-)

    Common Mom...forgive and make him another.....you both will feel better for it......:-).....Boys will be boys....yatta yattta....:-)

  15. #15
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    You could make him and his wife a new quilt something easy... like warm wishes...or going on 20...use reasonable priced fabric....then give them the new one bring the other one home to FIX...and forget where you got it till the dog grows up...or they do :wink:

  16. #16
    Super Member butterflywing's Avatar
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    when he asks for another hand-made quilt can you buy him one made in china?


  17. #17
    Super Member Baren*eh*ked_canadian's Avatar
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    I'm not sure what advice to give, I would be VERY upset with anyone who (accidentally or otherwise) was so thoughtless with ANY gift, I think it's even worse since he knows full well how much time and effort it takes to make a quilt. My first thought was that he knew you would be upset so maybe that's why he didn't say anything... but it's always worse when you find out on your own, eh?

    I made a quilt for my brother and his girlfriend this spring when they had their first baby (she's 4 months pregnant again :shock: :roll: ) and some of the stitching came out in the laundry, she was pretty upset about it, but the best thing she could have done was tell me about it, I WILL fix it.

  18. #18
    Power Poster dunster's Avatar
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    I agree with gcathie. An older dog often does things that are unexpected and out of character. I'm sure they wouldn't have locked him in the room knowing that he would destroy anything. And afterwards, they were ashamed to show you the damage. Your son and DIL were still keeping the quilt on the bed, so it seems that they did cherish it, even after it was damaged. Talk to your son, but with love rather than resentment. Look at this as a great opportunity to make another quilt. It will strenghen the bonds between you and your son and DIL.

  19. #19
    HMK
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    Having experienced the same thing with a wedding quilt I made for a friend of our daughter, I know the feelings you're going through. I picked the perfect pattern to have meaning for them and we all know how much time and thoughts of the person we put into these. About a year later they came to town with the quilt in tow and asked if I could repair it - the dog had eatien a humungeous hole right in the centre of it. I took it home and that gave me a cooling off period and after really looking at it, realized that I would never be able to repair it. The friend is a Geriatric Nurse and thinks everything should be bleached and yup, that's what it looked like she'd done or washed it in very hot water a gazillion times.

    This made me sit and have a talk with myself. "Self" explained that I had enjoyed making it for them and all the planning and I enjoyed giving it to them for their wedding. Once a gift is given, it's the receiptient's and what they do with it is up to them.

    I wouldn't repair it and I wouldn't harbour any ill feelings - they just didn't know any better and accidents happen. Just let it go.

  20. #20
    Super Member Joan's Avatar
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    Elaine-I would be sick about it, too. The baby quilt I made for my first grandson was washed in bleach by his daddy. I don't have to tell you how it looks now, you get the picture. After being angry for a long time, I decided it would be better for "me" to focus on the enjoyment I had thinking about my future grandson (the "joy" of the process) and the wonderful feeling of accomplishment. Once it leaves my hands, I've decdided that I am no longer the owner and not responsible. I would hope my quilts would get tender, loving care but I can't ever guarantee they will. No, I would not repair it.

    I know he's your son and you still love him very much. I did make a second quilt for my grandson and gave specific care instructions. But, just remember making it is the "pay-off" or pleasure for you not checking in years (or months) later to see how it's holding up.

    It was a very hard lesson for me to learn.....

  21. #21

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    I agree with gcathie and dunster. IMHO your son and DIL really do appreciate
    your hard work because the quilt is still on their bed holes and all!

  22. #22
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    some important facts stand out for me.

    (1) she did say they felt terrible about what happened to the quilt. in their shoes, i might also have put off telling you what had happened until i had no choice. we might all be grown, but i'll bet most of us are still kids when it comes to our parents. (i'm waaaaaaaaay not 25 anymore, but my father is still Daddy. ;-) )
    (2) it's difficult to believe they'd have left that quilt on the bed if they knew what the dog would do to it.
    (3) they didn't throw the quilt away. they not only kept it - holes and all - what's left of it is still displayed on the bed. is it possible that they still treasure it and all the memories it now represents?

  23. #23
    sunnyhope's Avatar
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    I would either leave the quilt there and NEVER ever make something for them again.

    Or i would take the quilt with me home and repair it if and when you fancy doing so but i would still not never make anything for ppl that are so careless like they seem to be.

    When you get something you know someone has spent a long time making for you the least thing you do is to take care of it.

    I d be furious with him if i was you, actually i d be tempted to kill him and give him a extremely good seeing too.

    Do not let ppl treat you and ur crafts like this, you are way too good for that.

    Sending you loads of hugs

  24. #24
    Super Member wesing's Avatar
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    Elaine -

    I'm going to wade in with a guy's perspective here. It was still on the bed, and he elected not to tell you. I'm guessing he was sick about it also and didn't want to hurt your feelings by asking for a repair, but it still meant enough to him to continue using it. And, he used it even though it's usefulness and durability were compromised. Remember the best-loved quilts will not end up in a museum; they will end their lives threadbare and finally thrown away when they literally fall apart in the washer.

    Once you give a gift, it isn't yours anymore. If the recipient loves it and uses it, that's a great compliment to you. If they sell it in the garage sale or pack it in the attic, well, you made a legitimate effort and they didn't like the gift as much as you thought. It's the thought that counts, right?

    Try to think of it this way: What if he came to you in ten years and said "Mom, I love this quilt, but it's been on the bed so long and been washed so many times the stuffing is coming out. What should I do now? Could you make me another one?" I'm sure your heart would melt and you'd rush to the fabric store! This one just got "worn out" earlier than either of you expected. Now that he knows you know about the holes, he may ask for a repair. If he does just smile and do the best you can knowing he still wants to use the quilt.

    Sorry if this sounds preachy, but I have relatives who don't take care of things either. I also have a relative who is mortally insulted if she gives me something and I don't use/wear it the way she thinks I should. So believe me when I tell you I understand both sides of this equation. You have the advantage because you can get your joy from the creating and giving.

    Darren



  25. #25
    Senior Member Vickymomof6's Avatar
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    If they didn't come to you and tell you about it maybe they felt really bad and were trying to not hurt your feelings. I would come right out and ask him if he would like it fixed.

    Vicky

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