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Thread: I am just sick!!

  1. #26
    Super Member pittsburgpam's Avatar
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    I would be sick about it too and sorry that happened. Take comfort that they didn't mean for that to happen. It's not like they took it out to the yard for the kids to play with and then left it for the dog.

    It was an unforseen accident and they too are sorry it happened. I would repair it and give it back. It might take years for that to get done but if it is not repaired and is still being used it's not going to last as long as it could.

  2. #27
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    once you give it to someone its in their charge. you can't give them a hard time over it and take it back to fix it.

    if you don't think they appreciate your efforts then don't do it anymore.

  3. #28
    Senior Member quiltswithdogs's Avatar
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    Purple, you must be so sad. It's not the dog's fault. It's his for not training his dog out of separation anxiety behavior as well as not thinking to take the quilt off the bed. Too bad it wasn't his guitar or something he made. I think that if he didn't ask you to repair it, don't offer. If he does, say you are sorry but you just hate to repair so must say no because you are currently so busy with new projects. If he wants a new quilt, you can say you'll think about it ...but then, secretly start planning one for his next big occasion ie 40th BD! It will be a happy project. After such a long wait, when you present it to him at his party, he will be surprised and humbled and so grateful, he will treat it with much more care.

    That's what I quickly thought up without even knowing you and I realize it may not be the advise best suited for you.

  4. #29
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    I know exactly how you feel. Been there. Now when one of my kids ask me to make them a quilt/wallhanging/placemats, etc. I tell them sure. Go buy the fabric, thread, book or pattern or give me the money to buy it and I'll make it. If they have money in it they will take better care of it. I demand quilt shop fabric too! I seldom make anything other then utility quilts for non quilters.

  5. #30
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
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    I also have a careless adult son...something similar happened to the quilt I made him a few years ago...
    He brought the quilt over to be washed, (yes, he still does his laundry here) and says, Mom, the dog was chewing the other day and you need to repair the quilt you made....I asked how the dog got at it and he had folded it up so that it was a nice comfy bed for the dog....
    I repaired it....I took 12" squares of fabric top and bottom and turned the edges under and stitched it over the holes and made an X to hold it in place.....

    He held it up, and looked at it....never said anything but, Thanks...I think his red cheeks :oops: said all that was neccessary....P.S. it is still being used.....

  6. #31
    Super Member peaceandjoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PurplePassion
    That whole family --my son, his wife and 3 kids--they never take care of anything or appreciate anything. But they are always asking for stuff.
    Accidents do happen, and dogs (pets) can be as loved as any family member. However, the end of what you wrote is what I would base my decision on. Yes, they probably are upset over what happened, but if they don't care for their things, or appreciate what is done for/given to them, then I wouldn't spend more time, energy or resources on it.

    Many of us have had the sad experience of hand made gifts being treated less than lovingly, or (just as bad for me!) put away "to keep them nice." I do tell the people I give quilts to, child or adult (or new moms) that I want them to use the quilt. That doesn't mean ABUSE it, though!

  7. #32
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    I know you are hurting and sick about the destruction of that quilt. I think Henry, Darren and HMK gave excellent advice. Once something you make is gifted, then it is beyond your control. We can not police our adult children. Nor would I want to do so.

    My rule for myself. Once it leaves the house it belongs to whomever and how they chose to use it is up to them. And that includes any abuse. That being said, I chose my fabric, pattern and time spent in the making with that in mind. Someone who does not treat their things well will probably get the lesser quality fabric, the easy pattern, and quick quilting.


  8. #33
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    It had to be a heartbreaker for you to find that quilt with the holes. The dog was old and already being punished. It was an unfortuante happening that was unforeseen. The dog was locked in the bedroom. I'm sure the quilt was not thought about at the time. Afterward, well, you can't fix stupid! I'm sure there was some head banging that went on, but after the fact, the damage has been done. They kept the quilt on the bed, so it was valued. It is a really hard call. I think I would wait and see if they ask for you to mend it. If they do, I would be slow to actually do the mending. And I would make smaller projects for them in the future. :?

  9. #34
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    I hear how you feel!!! For years I've been doing stained glass projects...the REAL stuff - glass, leading, cut fingers, the whole bit. My son and his wife do NOT have any I've given them AND my daughter has 3 ---ALL with broken glass!!! It makes me sick. I refuse to give them anything anymore -- I give them gift certificates. These were not one time accidents....which may be your case. My heart goes out to you!

  10. #35
    Senior Member renee765's Avatar
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    What a terrible feeling this must be! I've been noticing that my kids (35, 33 and 30 yr old kids) don't really take much interest in all the quilts and quilting going on in my house. I think, from their perspective, this is just what Mom's 'into' right now. Because of that lack of interest, I've decided not to gift any family members with quilts right now. I will make them each a quilt, however, and save it to be given to them when I'm no longer around. I know that it will mean a lot more to them then. For now, I look forward to quilting for donations (like to senior citizens in a home who don't get any visitors). Maybe this sounds morbid, but just know that my kids aren't really interested right now, and by saving them a quilt for later might be more meaningful.

    My 2 cents worth.

  11. #36
    Super Member PurplePassion's Avatar
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    Well, I had laid down and took a 2 hour nap; cuz I had been so stressed out this week -- work and stuff. And came back to check in here. I was surprised with all the different replies. and different ways you would all handle this situation. I liked Darren's input. I know, boys will be boys; my son has never been one to be "careful and take care of things." So , why I expected him to start Now---is My mistake. I saw that he Loved the quilt when I gave it to him. I know it was an accident; the dog didn't know any better; maybe she thought he loved the quilt more than her??
    I think I would like to repair what I can of it , so it will hold up a little better. I do have the fabrics yet, so that shouldn't be too hard. They are just going to look like bandaids. Lord knows , he has had plenty of those in his life! And I still do love him.
    THANK YOU EVERYONE , for all your input. And your stories , it did make me feel better! And now makes me rethink my giving of quilts. I guess , not stress over how they look , points matching ,stitches not showing , the right color, ect.... Maybe, just throw it together , give it a hug, and say goodbye.
    Thanks again friends, Elaine

  12. #37
    thismomquilts's Avatar
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    I know you've had alot of input already, but here are my thoughts. I'm sure that the dog thing was an accident. Your son does know what you put into a quilt. He loves the quilt, you said. They still use it. It was given to them as a gift. Maybe you could take it and repair it - using what like materials you have but if you have to patch it with a different fabric MAYBE they will think about it each time they see the different fabric and realize just how much THEY mean to you and appreciate it a bit more??? Here's hoping... I love to see my give away quilts used. One I gave away I was never thanked for - but three years later when that baby was playing with her baby dolls - I made another for her babies!! She uses it all the time - and quite frankly the more worn it gets, the better she'll like it.

  13. #38
    Super Member peaceandjoy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by renee765
    What a terrible feeling this must be! I've been noticing that my kids (35, 33 and 30 yr old kids) don't really take much interest in all the quilts and quilting going on in my house. I think, from their perspective, this is just what Mom's 'into' right now. Because of that lack of interest, I've decided not to gift any family members with quilts right now. I will make them each a quilt, however, and save it to be given to them when I'm no longer around. I know that it will mean a lot more to them then. For now, I look forward to quilting for donations (like to senior citizens in a home who don't get any visitors). Maybe this sounds morbid, but just know that my kids aren't really interested right now, and by saving them a quilt for later might be more meaningful.

    My 2 cents worth.
    This is me, too, although my DD's are a bit younger (23 & 18). So I give my quilts away - although hoping they won't end up like OP's - and hope that maybe some day, even if it's when I'm gone... Guess I'll have to be sure to make some and have them "stashed" instead of giving them all away!

  14. #39
    Moderator tlrnhi's Avatar
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    Elaine, like you said, you had a nap and you have figured out what you are going to do.
    I really think your son treasures the quilt because if he didn't, I think he would have tossed it.
    So, get the quilt, put the bandaids on it. That's what we moms do when our kids have "boo-boo's", and patch it up. Maybe put OUCH or something on some of the patches,,,just for fun.
    Then maybe he'll be a little more caring when he decides to leave the quilt with a dog/pup again.

  15. #40
    Super Member blahel's Avatar
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    If i was punishing a dog i certainly wouldnt put it in MY bedroom..I would put it in the garage with an old blanket or the laundry room...but hey thats just me... :lol: and whats wrong with his own kennel...

  16. #41
    Power Poster SulaBug's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear of this unfortunate
    happening to the quilt you lovingly made
    for your son. My Mother made a quilt for
    my younger brother & when he moved,
    he just left it in the apartment. Mom was
    just crushed, so I know how you must
    feel. He'll always be your son & I know
    you love him. Do what's right for you!!
    Thank you for sharing.
    Cheryl

  17. #42
    Senior Member motomom's Avatar
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    At this point I would probably be swinging my shotgun between the dog and the son, trying to decide which should see Jesus first.........

  18. #43
    quiltluvr's Avatar
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    Love covers a multitude of mishaps. The answer depends on the reaction of the initial damage. If it makes you and your son happy to repair it, do it. If there is going to be any resentment attached from either side, let it be.

    We all fail each other many times and altho' you put so much of yourself into making something special for your son to enjoy and hold dear, at the end of the day it's a possession, not the definition of your relationship.

    Yes, it does hurt tremendously to see your work destroyed, but as others have said so much better, when it is given away you no longer own it. It's the risk any quilter takes on when giving away a project. It made you feel good to make it. That's your true payoff. It's icing on the cake if the recipient loves it and uses it, no matter the outcome.

    You're a wonderful, caring mother that brings much joy to your family. I hope you've gotten some relief after reading all the posts and listening to your heart. :thumbup:

  19. #44
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    I understand that you were curious about how well the quilt was doing since you put a lot of love into the project.

    Sorry about your disappointment.

    The fact that the quilt is still on the bed (regardless of the condition) says a lot to me. The fact that nobody has fessed up to the damage says even more..

    If they ask for things and you KNOW how careless they are, it is still your decision whether you give them what they want or not.

    Once a gift is given (unless it comes with clauses) it belongs to the recipient. REGARDLESS how the recipient treats the gift.

    You don't want to fix it (you hate patching) and you were not asked to do so.

    My thought: let it go.

    My niece-in-law was expecting to get a quilt from me. She took a path in life that was destructive and irresponsible. In one of the chapters she lost a beautiful hand-made afghan from her grandmother because she didn't pay the storage fee and everything she owned was auctioned off. I refuse to make a quilt under those circumstances. I felt bad because I went back on a promise, but the promise was made under a different set of expectations.

  20. #45
    NY Nancy's Avatar
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    Uh... if they are still using the quilt on their bed, holes and all, then they MUST actually like it, otherwise they would be using something else on the bed, right?

    I would take it to mean that they like the quilt YOU made, damaged though it now is, better than they like the thought of a mass-produced but perfect replacement.

  21. #46
    Super Member OHSue's Avatar
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    OK, I am probably the only one on the other side of the fence here. But I am also a weaver and knitter. I have given hand wovens to people, quilts, hand knits.... and I have seen them abused time and again, not gotten any thanks, or other 'mistakes in judgement' made by the recipients.
    I long ago decided that if I give a gift, it is theirs to use as they wish. Just cause I appreciate it, doesn't mean they really know the value of it, I can't control how people feel about or treat things I make. They can regift it, they can wash the floor with it, they can feed it to the dog. And how many times have we put ourselves out for our kids and not got back the gratitude we think we deserve. How many meals, housecleaning. chauffering goes without thanks. I do what I do cause I love the recipeient, their loss if they don't know how valuable the gift is.

  22. #47
    Senior Member nellebelles's Avatar
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    My sister and I make quilts for our kids and nieces and nephews weddings. We also make baby quilts for members of our family who are having babies. We decided with, oh, about the second quilt we made that once they leave us, they belong to someone else. Sometimes we don't want to know what has happened to the quilts we've made, but other times we can see how much they have meant to the recipients (several have been hung on quilt racks to be displayed for others to see...).
    I recently helped my mother make a Crown Royal quilt for my nephew. When it was all said and done, it cost close to $500 (the fabric was expensive and we had it custom quilted). I have a suspicion that this quilt will not be taken care of very well. I told my mom that she should share with him what the quilt cost, and maybe it would make a difference on how it was cared for. She wouldn't go for that because she has always believed that you shouldn't tell others how much their gift cost. So, we are back to adopting my sister's philosophy of "once the quilts leave us, they belong to someone else"...
    My mom and I enjoyed the process and we both learned a great deal from doing this pattern. It truly was a labor of love.
    My advice? Fix it if you feel like it, forget it if you don't. I do, however, feel that an awareness of the cost of producing a quilt would be helpful to the recipients level of respect and appreciation! I am not meaning that we should tell each person how much their quilt cost, but at some point there could be a general conversation about the subject.
    Another thought--I suppose we as quilters expect others to love quilts the way we do. I suppose there are those people who only think of them as utilitarian objects and not works of art or labors of love. So, the value of the quilt lies with the new owner once it is given, and unfortunately isn't always transferred from the quilter.

  23. #48
    Super Member ScubaK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gcathie
    guess I see it a little different.......seems to me he knew this would hurt you and couldn't tell you about what happened to the quilt....after the fact he should have known better .......and they weren't thinking when the dog was left in there and accidents do happen........I would make a new one and say now take care of this one......after all it is just a quilt......and life goes on..........I'm a fine one to give advice....I pretty much have all my quilts cause I can't stand the thought of someone not loving them like I do....:-)

    Common Mom...forgive and make him another.....you both will feel better for it......:-).....Boys will be boys....yatta yattta....:-)

    I kinda sorta have to agree with you...
    Quilts are special, we put alot of time into them.
    I could tell you a story about my sis and the 3 small, easy quilts I made for her kids...they never got to enjoy the quilts when they were small cuz mom put 'em away and have since been "lost"...
    So, quilts are meant to be enjoyed and loved and lived and used...one of my favorite couch quilts is one the dog nibbled on the binding...
    Just my 2 stitches.
    Kirsten

  24. #49
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    I am sorry (((hugs))) to hear about the quilt. here is another way to look ,I know its hard, at it. Would you put a quilt or blanket on your bed with holes on it? probably not, I wouldnt want to. The fact that they did shows the love they have for it. They could have hid it in the closet. If the askes for it to be repaired do it gladly remembering they still love and use it.
    My two cents.

  25. #50
    Junior Member trugger's Avatar
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    Purplepassion,
    I can completely commiserate with you!
    I have made many quilts and have given them as gifts. Every time I have the conversation with the person about how to care for it. I always leave out the part where you're not supposed to leave it in full access to an animal who destroys fabric!

    I made a quilt for a pal of mine - who has many dogs... I think you'll know how this will end. She feels horrible and is going to repair it herself!

    I've seen it and get a little sick in my stomach when I think about what it had meant to me at one time. . . the work, the thoughtful planning, the work, the fabric costs, the work, etc.

    On the other hand, when I give someone a baby quilt, I expect the baby to do its thing on it (the variety of gross things that come out of a baby) and its need to be washed pretty regularly. Knowing this, I do extra quilting on it, secure every seam, and tell them to wash the bejesus out of it and when baby gets old enough, I'll do a bigger quilt for the bigger bed.

    It still hurts, tho, when adults don't seem to care enough about it.

    I do know that my pal (with the dogs) was too embarrassed to show me the quilt because of the damage.

    All of this to say, I can commiserate. I take a deep breath and say to myself, it's her choice how she wants to handle it... but I'm not going to be too quick to make another!

    I hope you find the way to heal from this. We get really connected to our quilts, so it is a loss. An unnecessary loss.

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