Originally Posted by PurplePassion
That whole family --my son, his wife and 3 kids--they never take care of anything or appreciate anything. But they are always asking for stuff.
It's unfortunate that this happenend. I understand the thought that once the gift is given, it's given. How the gift is used, abused, ignored, cared for, or tossed by the recipient is their issue, not yours. It's tough, but true.
However, I believe your last two sentences reveal three things. One, these folks are childish and careless adults. Two, like children, they contue to ask for things ... even though they obviously don't take care of what they have; paraphrasing your statement. Three, you're ambivalent about your feelings toward them and their actions. One the one hand, you want to be gracious. On the other, you a angry that thay show so little respect for you and your time.
This is the really hard part...when they ask for something, whatever it is, be ready to say, "No, I can't do that." Being that they are childish and sef-centered, they will do the childish thing of whining (very unattractive in adults), negotiate, make empty promises, try to give you a 1st class ticket on a guilt trip, or pull out the big guns and tell you that you don't care about them. You answer, "No, I cannot do this for you. Yes, I care about you and that is why the answer is still 'no'."
As I used to tell my son when he was a teen-ager and acted rude and petulant, "You want to act like a four-year-old? Fine, I've done that where you're concerned. When you were four, you had to sit on the chair where I could see you until I decided you'd been there long enough. Now, sit. There will be no talking, watching TV, reading, or doing anything."(Note, I didn't use the woosy technique of "time out" as that enables them to try to negotiate the length of the time out.)
If it walks like a duck, squaks like a duck, and acts like a duck, chances are good it's a duck. In this case, substitute self-centered and demanding child for duck.
In the vernacular of the day, this qualifies as "tough love". It may be that both you and they need doses of same. Easy to know, but tough to do. That's what makes is so valuable...just like you and your time.