Originally Posted by
cathyvv
Sahm, as a woman who was in a 'good' marriage (or so I thought) and had no savings of my own when the marriage fell apart, I disagree. Every woman needs to be able to 'fend for herself' if the need arises. Saving money for one self is critical.
I've been married to a wonderful, loving man now for 30 years. We do happen to have a joint checking account. But it was a HUGE act of trust on my part to do that. But we both decided when we married that, no matter how bad it got, we were not divorcing. And we both made sure it never got bad. I also went back to college and got a bachelors and masters degree in Computer Science so that I could support myself and my kids by myself, if the need arose. That was/is my 'insurance policy' against bad stuff happening.
My husband fusses about money now and then; I never do. We have enough for our needs, plus most of our wants. In any event, long ago I 'assigned' him the job of worrying over stuff. No need for both of us to worry for nothing.
I think that you having a degree and a way to provide for children in case of a spouse not being there is the way we as women should go. Not having a seperate account. I just wanted to point out that it just seems to be trust issues there already and things that need to be discussed. I have a degree and a way to provide for my children should in the event of my hubby passing away or him forcing a divorce. There is a running joke around my family that we don't believe in divorce but spouse-icide. Having separate accounts and dividing up who buys/gets what just seems to me to place a wedge in a marriage. It seems to end up being more of a roomy situation than a marriage which then seems to open a door to splitting up. I am not saying that this is the case for everyone and anyone who does this, it is just my experience and view. I don't want to offend anyone with this, only just wanted to help get jcrow thinking about sitting down and having an honest and frank conversation with her hubby about money and the accounts. maybe not confessing about the lie but talking about what seems to be underlying issues that could be between them.