todays funnies
GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical Recliners.
7. Simon says - something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1.You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2.You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3.You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Things to Ponder:
Why is it that the easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangling things here and drink whatever comes out?
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.
(this one just cracks me up)
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?