Originally Posted by
Tothill
Hi Sonja,
My comment below is not meant as a personal flame, but another opinion not often expressed here. I was also raised to write a thank you note, but communication options have changed.
I was at a workshop a year ago on Working with First Nation Elders. It puts the idea of what is appropriate into a cultural context. In the Coast Salish community if something is important, the information must be passed orally face to face, second would be a phone call,the very last would be written information.
Yet in a Eurocentric world we discredit a thank you, given orally, in person or by phone and feel that only a hand written note is acceptable.
We have so many more ways to communicate that in my mind are as acceptable as a hand written note. We are not living 100 years ago when a written note was the only option, let alone the only acceptable option.
On Christmas Day my kids send email thank yous with photos of them with their gifts to the overseas grandparents. I feel that is just as acceptable as sitting them down with a pen and paper to hand write a thank you note, then posting it to arrive a week or more after the holidays.
Definitely your points are well made! I remember here in Poland, when we first came that those of us Americans who got together were discussing thank yous. First of all, we decided among ourselves to NOT send thank yous (written) for stuff--verbal was fine.
But after not receiving any thank yous for wedding gifts to Polish brides, I asked someone here what was done. Yes, I felt slighted. Then, I asked. They told me that the bride (or recipient) should pick up the phone and call to say thank you. I felt better. ...but I still have never received a verbal thank you. I guess it just isn't done here. ? Since I don't give the gift in order to get a thank you, I don't worry about it overly much, but am now aware...
But I still try to give a physical thank you--a card or a gift of candy, etc.