Since my parents passed away many years ago, I feel some sense of responsibility to step in for my mother. I send something, usually a card with a nominal amount of money to my nieces and nephews; all ages 19-21, for accomplishments in their lives. I always receive a Thank You card from my brother's children, who have maternal grandparents. I receive nothing from my sister's children, who have no living grandparents.
We stopped giving gifts to our children for bdays and Christmas just a few years ago. After paying the occasional utility bills, rent, gas money, car insurance; not only did it become too much of a routine, it became a financial burden for us. Economic times have been hard these last few years for DH and I. So gifts to our adult children and their wives stopped. It was hard to say that we would no longer help them out financially. We said we wouldn't help them when they married, however, when there are grandchildren involved, our perception and plan of action changed. We do not pay anything to help out with their living expenses but we do buy school clothes/summer and winter clothes for all of our grandchildren. I also make some of their clothes and each one of them has a quilt to keep them warm.
Although none of our dil's sew or quilt, our grandchildren are aware that what I make for them is time consuming. They appreciate hand made gifts and always tell me how much it means to them to have something made just for them. We always receive gift acknowledgement from our oldest son's children and step children; even for a weekend visit away from home where no gifts are exchanged. These days, I rarely receive a Thank You card from them but I always receive a gracious and appreciative phone call; in fact, I'm happier knowing that they didn't spend their money on a $5 card plus postage with some machine printed sentiment. I'd rather our son spend the card and postage money on the kids or themselves. Our other sons know right from wrong but choose to not acknowledge or seem to appreciate what we do for them; one son chooses to focus on what he's not getting from us. Too bad for them that they get nothing from us or I'd give them a lump of coal; but we do what we can to see that their children have what they truly NEED.