If you don't want to give your friend a special care quilt, then you need a different batting. The instructions provided are what is recommended for the care. I use either Warm and Natural or Hobbs 80/20 for most gift quilts. I've also used the poly batting sold on the roll at Hancocks (it's a bit harder to quilt because it is thicker). All 3 of these can be thrown into the gentle cycle.
As far as laundry detergent, I use Orvus or other horse shampoo myself, but I tell folks to use Woolite for their gift quilts as most standard laundry detergents have some form of bleach in them. For baby quilts, the Mom usually washes it in whatever. All I tell them is that if they vary my recommendations, the quilt will be fine, but won't last as long without color fading.