I know of your pain. It's been 2 yrs since we lost our beloved Poppy, and I still tear up thinking about him--almost every day. But I would advise you to first go to your local animal shelter and adopt another kitty--preferably an older one because they are so often rejected for a cute little kitten. Give your home and love and see it returned ten-fold. You will still miss your sweet pet, but the pain will be eased by the care you will lavish on a new buddy. This is what we did, and we've not regretted for a moment. You can work on your pillow and love a new kitty at the same time. Hugs to you.