Children actually learn very well and fast when there is a consistent set of rules/guidelines and the consequences for breaking them is known. I am not a proponent of spanking, although a well-placed swat on a diaper to redirect a brain stuck in temper tantrum is OK.
One of my friends had to do the "tough love" thing with children of a mutual friend. She made it very clear to them that their misbehaving is not acceptable and what they are allowed to do at the house. The mom was upset about it and my friend said that she can let them run over her at HER house, but not as long as they were guests.