My first husband was killed in Vietnam. I was 17 and newly pregnant at the time. I went into a deep depression and miscarried. When the insurance payment came for his death, I gave it to his parents in its totality and left my home state because I could not bear living there. I lived alone like a zombie for 5 years studying to get my degree and working when I wasn't in school or at the library. I had no friends and lived in a small room in a rooming house. When I returned to my home state my in-laws refused to see me and accused me of having an abortion. I left again and have never returned home. I never told my second husband about my first and he was totally surprised when my sister mentioned it in passing. We divorced because he thought it was an unpardonable omission even though I never claimed I had not had another relationship.