Is there a way you can rent one to see if you like it?
I agree with Sewbizgirl- if you buy it and love using it who cares if you can't justify the cost?
I don't have one and don't really have the desire but if I did I'd figure out a way to get one
I bought a Juki TL2010Q and my FMQ is getting lots better. With anything larger than I can handle I send it out.
Good luck, whatever you decide!
Edit- Oh my, you've had so much loss. I'm so sorry. I hope you get whatever you want.