I am wondering why you cross other things off your list? Explore that —I encourage you to write your feelings down and what you want (and don’t want) to do .
There was a time I feared starting to paint bevause... because... why? Why did I feel reluctant to express myself in paint? I wasn’t gifted in art. Never took lessons. Stuck with academics in college rather than “waste time” lollygagging with paintbrushes and messy paint.
Why did I always talk myself out of it and go back to my lifelong creative expression of writing? When I dug down deep, I was able to overcome my hesitation and just experiment. I realized that I really wanted to relax and produce with a new medium—not just stick with pen or keyboard. I was afraid I’d spend money to make a mess and have nothing to be proud enough to keep or give as a gift. But the desire to paint drove me to try!
And, guess what? I loved to paint! i ended up becoming an art teacher and enjoyed teaching what little I had learned. The most valuable thing I learned was empathy for students who were afraid to try art. I told them I didn’t really paint till was 43 years old and I was not talented . I just found it relaxing and I loved to make pretty things. If I hated it, I could trash it. It’s just paint and paper. Not everything we make is gonna turn out —so what?