In short, I don’t think you are over-analyzing. I think maybe you are under-analyzing. For some reason , you are hesitating to ask yourself all the questions and face a truth. For me, the truth was that my parents had so valued academics (both hold multiile degrees) that I felt they didn’t value the arts enough to encourage us to spend $$ and time in college on artistic pursuits. So it was a value judgment I had to face. The irony is that my maiden name means “painter”!