I, too, fought useing depression meds. No one in my family had ever had a problem and, like Peace and Joy, I thought I should be able to handle everything on my own. When I got to the point that I didn't have the will to even pray anymore, and that I was activly thinking about suicide, I knew it was time to do something. When I called my Dr. I thought he was going to do cartwheels. I didn't realize how much I had changed and how worried so many people were about me. Do I still have down days? Of course, everyone does, but at least I do not fall back into the black pit that I was in. And yes, there are people in my so called "family" that are embarassed if I am to open about it. They will never understand and that's their problem. One day I heard one of my brothers say that I was just trying to get attention and if everyone ignored me, I would "snap out of it". I didn't even have the energy or will to slap him up side the head like I should have. All I can say is off meds I am a person that I do not even recognize or like and on them I am my old self. Marsye, don't feel bad about starting this thread, it's ok. Sometimes you can't see the blood and scars that others carry. For myself, I was the worlds best actress and could hide things with the best of them.