I'm happy to see that this thread is still going. It is somehow comforting that many know exactly how I feel, with the black pit of dispair and the inability to do anything but go to the bathroom some days. I wish they didn't have to know it, but it helps me not feel like such a freak, which is how I viewed myself for a long time. I'd think that "other people" could just snap out of it if they were depressed, why couldn't I? I had yet to learn the chemical nature of my bi-polar depression. Once I've been on meds I've been able to have some good days. I still have anxiety issues, and a lot of triggers for PTSD, but at least I have hope now on the meds. It's still hard to hear people suggest to just 'snap out of it' or quit being self-centered, even though I remind myself that they just can't understand it. There is just no comparison between having the blues with having full-blown clinical depression. Too bad illnesses like this don't appear as bright blue spots on us or something so that people would realize we're not just being lazy, we are ill, just in the brain instead of the body. I'm very fortunate, my DH understands and is very supportive. He can tell when I'm cycling and helps me to cope until the pendulum swings back the other way. I feel so sad for those of you who are suffering, and applaud your efforts to take care of yourself by being on the meds you need. As someone said, they're not "happy" pills, they are "stay off of the edge of the abyss" pills, at least for me. Once you've been in that dark, hopeless place, you'll do almost anything to avoid being there again.
OK, clearly I'm having a rambling kind of day. Sorry this is so long. But thank you to everyone who is sharing their stories.