illinois

I've recently entertained the suggestion of including a stamped, self-addressed thank you note with gifts. When did it become acceptable to not acknowledge a gift? The person doing the gifting, not only sent a gift, they invested their finances for the gift,but their time in the thought of what to give and the time it took to shop, wrap and deliver. Why not have the courtesy to say thanks? Too, as in taking a gift to a wedding reception or a shower, perhaps the card from you was misplaced and they don't know who sent it. A check in the mail may have been lost. Having the SASE would let you know that your gift was received. It's tacky but so is neglecting to say Thank You.

zozee

A gift really should be acknowledged with a thank-you card, particularly if the gift was mailed. Unless the recipient has physical, mental, or other limitations making it essentially impossible to write. In that case, a call or a text from a family caregiver would reassure me that the gift arrived safely and had been seen.

I remember the first couple of bridal/baby showers I attended when we guests were asked at the door to fill out a blank envelope for the thank you note. I thought it was the height of rudeness and laziness. After all, who can’t make time to write a few thank you cards a week till the job is done? The gift was a sacrifice of time and/or money, much greater than the five minutes it takes to write a note.

As time wore on, I became fine with addressing my own envelope as a guest. However, if I found a SASE included with a gift, I would be offended by the message it sends”You’d *better* thank me for this. No excuse not to!” That’s as rude as not acknowledging a gift. My older sister once rudely told me that if my kids didn’t write a thank you card, she’d not be sending gifts anymore. I asked her why she sent them gifts. “Because I love your kids.” I said it’s not loving to demand a thank you, it’s selfish. I taught my kids to be kind and thoughtful— and when in grade school , I forced them to write thank you notes. But when they became teens, I picked other battles. Told my sister to either stop sending gifts or if the kids call you or text to say thanks, accept their gratitude. But don’t undo a good deed thing with a demand for recognition.

bearisgray

At the last baby shower I attended - this past Sunday - the couple have been together five years - baby was/is "intentional" - Mama already has three children - and they plan on getting married this spring. Mom is 35 and Dad is approximately the same age.

While most of the guests were leaving, one of the hostesses came around with a spiral bound notebook and asked us to write our addresses in it.

For baby/bridal showers, usually it is not the guest of honor that sends out the invitations, so it makes sense to me to have some sort of access to addresses.

Maybe the hosts/sponsors of the event could provide an address list to the honorees?

I am still in the camp that some sort of acknowledgement of a gift is "proper" -

I do get annoyed with a "thank you for thinking of us" - if the recipient does not know what was given to them - or care enough to be specific enough to say what the item was - "Thank you for the pillowcases" does not seem to be that much more difficult to write than "thinking of us" .

The result of those notes is my "thinking of them" with no further material donations.

As far as other events - weddings/funerals - sometimes one has no clue who "Mabel and Roy" are - especially if the parents did the wedding planning.

carolynjo

I do acknowledge gifts. Only once have I not received a thank you note, and it was a gift card which was not acknowledged. I did ask the recipients if the gift card arrived.It did and the kids were in the process of moving, so I understood why a TY note did not arrive.

lwbuchholz

In the past I have sent thank you notes but now on a fixed income stamps are getting a bit high and add on the note card and envelope and it is more than I feel I can spend on my budget. I have never expected a card as long as the gift is acknowledged. I have received gifts that I am not thankful for but the thought was wonderful. So I do let them know I received it and thank them for the thought. It is a new age and each to his own. If you want to send thank you cards go for it. But it is a personal thing. I don't know if I would attach an address label unless to let them know who it is from.
Lynda

cashs_mom

I think some of it depends on the situation and the gift. When I go out to lunch with my friend and we exchange Christmas or birthday gifts, I feel a verbal thank you it sufficient. If it's a baby/wedding gift or shower gift, then I feel that a written thank you is best. Ditto a large birthday party.

quiltingshorttimer

I think while a thank you--either in person or written (and that does include emails these days--although I stop short at a text!) is always best for any gift, I think that including an address label, or an addressed envelope is rather tacky. Might as well just write the thank you and let them sign it!

But I do love the baby shower that they gathered gifters name and address for the recipient is an awesome idea.

illinois

For those who were offended by my thought of enclosing SASE, I will not be doing that but it certainly crossed my mind when recently I had several gifts all at the same time that were not acknowledged. Since some went by mail, I had concern if they had been received. We hear of packages being stolen from front doors and I have had important letters lost in the mail. I don't mind a phone call or a verbal thank you but acknowledging a gift is so simple nowadays with emails and cell phones that it seems really rude to not acknowledge a gift. I felt "rude" to have to ask if they received what I sent.

lynnie

i make a lot of gifts, mainly for my cousins and their children, and their childrn. (second cousins or is it third/) anyway, they always send thank you's and e mail ones too. I love the hand written cards. they mean so much to me. i spen lots of time on everything i make for them. Right now, on a baby doll for my cousins granddaughter. i enjoy the cards, and i know that they know that it's takes time to make these gifts, and money too. We were invited to my cousins home 2 weeks ago. they were about a 2 hr. ride by car, and it was long for me, with a bad back. when i got home, I sent them an e-mail thank you. the next day, i mailed out a thank you to them for hosting the get together for me to meet my newest baby cousin. My cousin made a great try of lasagana, some hourderoves, and as a gift to me for the travel, he made me cashew brittle. it's the best ever, and he remembered i love it, but am allergic to peanuts. that was thoughtful of him. so of course, i sent him a thank you card. it means so much, and takes so little time. just say, thank you, i had a good time, and put a stamp on it.

DACO48

I don't think it is tacky. I always write the name of the gift on the back of the card. I have had many people tell me that was the greatest idea, sometimes the card get separated from the gift. I do this especially with wedding gifts.