Courtesy & good manners: lost arts?
07-16-2011, 09:20 AM
#61
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Somewhere inTexas
Posts: 968
Originally Posted by Ramona Byrd
Yes, I agree. And there exists somewhere in my same town a lovely, talented niece who probably is confused as to why she never gets any presents from me any more. She got some as a 9 year old..I still treasure her clumsily written hand made card of thanks for that first gift...then no other thanks for the next two, which were the last. Hints have gotten me no place, she did tell me thanks when she ran into me in town for one present....
And she isn't alone..unfortunately. But it does save a lot of money in gifts not bought.
And she isn't alone..unfortunately. But it does save a lot of money in gifts not bought.
07-16-2011, 10:28 AM
#62
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 136
Loving this discussion. When my boys were little, we would have 'bad manners night' on Fridays, either at home or out in public. Not gross manners, however--they didn't have to place their napkin on their laps, elbows ok on the table, no reminders to hold their utencils properly, etc. Soon, the good table manners were so ingrained, they didn't need the bad manners night. My husband is from the South,(although his table manners are awful!) so his respectful to others manners were automatically emulated by the boys. Interestingly, now that they have children of their own, they have bad manners night at their homes, too, with full cooperation from my wonderful daughters-in-law. Now, if we could get all of them to remove their hats when inside-the priest even had to remind DH one time to remove his walking into the church.
For people who don't say thank you for a consideration, I just say, "you're welcome", with a smile, of course....
For people who don't say thank you for a consideration, I just say, "you're welcome", with a smile, of course....
07-16-2011, 10:39 AM
#63
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Woodmere, NY
Posts: 1,422
I'm sort of releived.. I thought that the attitude was just where I live.. The people are unbelievably rude.. Nobody cares about the next person.. and it's totally horrble..
Imagine being in the doctors office... and listening to the room before you, where the mother of the patient gets nasty with the doctor because he walked out of the room when she refused to get off the phone.. Hopefully, he asked her to leave, and not come back...
Barri
Imagine being in the doctors office... and listening to the room before you, where the mother of the patient gets nasty with the doctor because he walked out of the room when she refused to get off the phone.. Hopefully, he asked her to leave, and not come back...
Barri
07-16-2011, 10:50 AM
#64
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Wales UK
Posts: 2,028
When I was growing up I was taught to respect my Seniors n Superiors and at that age it meant everybody. We could not leave the table without asking first and Please n Thank yous were the norm.
Nowadays it seems the only language that is universal in the younger generation is the swearing kind and they definitely don't understand what manners are. Such a shame s I have found in my life that not only manners but speaking well has held me in good stead and I have had a good one because of it, that I am sure.
I feel for the present younger generation because to stand your ground and be different means bullying and worse, I don't know the answer and I don't know anybody who does :thumbdown:
Nowadays it seems the only language that is universal in the younger generation is the swearing kind and they definitely don't understand what manners are. Such a shame s I have found in my life that not only manners but speaking well has held me in good stead and I have had a good one because of it, that I am sure.
I feel for the present younger generation because to stand your ground and be different means bullying and worse, I don't know the answer and I don't know anybody who does :thumbdown:
07-16-2011, 11:11 AM
#65
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Castle Rock, Washington State
Posts: 1,961
Originally Posted by SharBear
I think that parents need to be PARENTS - they are so busy trying to be best friends with their children that they fail to teach them right from wrong or good manners.
Have told my two that there will be plenty of time in their lives for us to become adult friends - but for now - I'm your MOTHER and it's my job to teach you what you need to know.
Have told my two that there will be plenty of time in their lives for us to become adult friends - but for now - I'm your MOTHER and it's my job to teach you what you need to know.
lol my mom would have whapped me upside the head for that crap.
07-16-2011, 11:24 AM
#66
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,774
Originally Posted by Hen3rietta
I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.
There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.
It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.
When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.
There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.
It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.
Aunt Maud was visiting and invited to stay for "supper". When the host thanked her for staying and sharing the meal, she mumbled "It's more than I was expecting"...
Bless her heart........
07-16-2011, 12:26 PM
#67
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 4,144
I know that it all starts in the home.
07-16-2011, 12:51 PM
#68
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 697
it's hard for children to learn any civility when they have parents totally devoid manners to the point of not even having common sense. Somehow, along the way, parents responsibilities were taken over by shallow pop culture icons. Most trendy children these days can repeat to you the vilest of vile song lyrics but have never heard the words "please" or "thank you", and heaven above, hope you never have to be aorund any of them who might have to wait for ANYTHING for more than a few minutes.
I actually wait for the day the power shuts down in this country and people have to sit and have conversations with each other, have to entertain themsleves, have to learn how to live with real people whom they need to cultivate and be nice to because they need to help each other do things. sharet
I actually wait for the day the power shuts down in this country and people have to sit and have conversations with each other, have to entertain themsleves, have to learn how to live with real people whom they need to cultivate and be nice to because they need to help each other do things. sharet
07-16-2011, 01:02 PM
#69
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,299
Originally Posted by MTS
Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't catch it because I was texting on my smartphone while simultaneously checking the browser for the weather in Phuket while changing lanes without a blinker while driving 80mph on the interstate. Why? Because I can.
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll:
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll:
07-16-2011, 01:15 PM
#70
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: forest city nc
Posts: 299
Biggest offenders -Freecycle recipients! I have given away many things to people who have expressed a need though this wonderful program. HOWEVER, more times than I care to say, the recipients drove up, picked up the item(s), put it in their car, and drove away with nary a "Thank you" (much less the courteous "Mame).
Recently, person asked for a tripod for photography. I contacted her and told her I had one and described it. She said it was exectly what she was looking for. So in 100 degrees (I am 70 years old and heat does me in) I went into the storage area rummaged around,and located it, cleaned it up, and waited for her to come pick it up. (I also packed a huge box of photography equipment and books for her as well as an extra surprise). I am still waiting. No call or email to cancel or change arrangements.
I have given away a car, expensive fishing poles, plants, laying hens, on and on.
I have also been the recipient of several items(one of which was a sorely needed sewing machine). Everytime I sit at it I think of the person who was kind enough to give it to me.
Freecyle is a wonderful program (though often abused) and I guess I will still participate because of the few who are truly thankful. They make up for the rude, inconsiderate ones.
(But I started keeping a list of those who are inconsiderate or who take things just because they are free to resell) Won't be ansering any of their requests, you betcha!
Recently, person asked for a tripod for photography. I contacted her and told her I had one and described it. She said it was exectly what she was looking for. So in 100 degrees (I am 70 years old and heat does me in) I went into the storage area rummaged around,and located it, cleaned it up, and waited for her to come pick it up. (I also packed a huge box of photography equipment and books for her as well as an extra surprise). I am still waiting. No call or email to cancel or change arrangements.
I have given away a car, expensive fishing poles, plants, laying hens, on and on.
I have also been the recipient of several items(one of which was a sorely needed sewing machine). Everytime I sit at it I think of the person who was kind enough to give it to me.
Freecyle is a wonderful program (though often abused) and I guess I will still participate because of the few who are truly thankful. They make up for the rude, inconsiderate ones.
(But I started keeping a list of those who are inconsiderate or who take things just because they are free to resell) Won't be ansering any of their requests, you betcha!
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