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diary of a dog/diary of a cat

diary of a dog/diary of a cat

Old 12-04-2010, 10:26 AM
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Excerpt from a Dog's Diary....... .
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity... .

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort
of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates
what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power
of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --
but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more
than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

the bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:44 AM
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as one who has both species--how true, how true!
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:44 AM
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Well, I guess I have alot of retards and one captive. Can't be to bad.... she's wrapped in her blanket sucking on her arm.

Very funny, thanks :-D
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Old 12-04-2010, 11:21 AM
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LOL, thank you, that had me laughing!! Sounds like the craziness around here with the dog & cats :D
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Old 12-04-2010, 12:43 PM
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:lol: :lol: :lol: So funny. Thanks for sharing this!
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Old 12-04-2010, 12:44 PM
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LOL That is so my life! I love it! Thanks for the laugh!
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Old 12-04-2010, 02:30 PM
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Oh my gosh, soooo true!!
Can't wait to send this to all my pals. Thanks! :D
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Old 12-04-2010, 03:40 PM
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I do think the cats own us!
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Old 12-04-2010, 04:00 PM
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The cat I used to have did the mouse thing to me. I screamed and the cat took off running at top speed for another room; meanwhile I think I got out of the house before the cat got to the other room! Sad thing is my dog did the same darn thing months later. Repeat preformance.
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Old 12-04-2010, 04:06 PM
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so cute
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