Grace creates

Was wondering if anyone on the board is an elder lawyer or has experience with elder law. I am currently in a situation that I may need some advice. This is not a route I relish in taking, but unfortunately it may be necessary. This is in regard to my Dad. pm if you have some knowledge Thank you

GrandmaPeggy

I am so sorry for whatever your situation is right now. Keep repeating, "this too shall pass" as you go through this experience. Do what you need to do as a loving, caring daughter so that your Dad is protected. Make decisions based on what you know today. Do what is right. Do the best that you can. Do not have regrets.

If you need an elder law attorney, in Texas, I would recommend one that specializes and has the notation, "board certified". It means that they have taken extra classes, tests and have extra time in court for that specialty. I'm sure there is something like that for every state. I hired one for a one hour consultation @ $350 an hour. It was well worth the money. He wanted $7,000 as a retainer to handle the issue I faced with Mom, but I couldn't afford that much. I found an attorney to work with who was in the process of earning her board certification in elder law and her fees were affordable. She knew what we needed, so we were able to resolve matters easily with her help.

Since I do not have direct knowledge, I didn't see the need to pm you on this. Good Luck!

bakermom

Another option would be to contact your local agency on aging. They might be able to recommend someone or provide other assistance

cathyvv

The advice already given is good. We went through this with my Mom and MIL, but both had hospitalizations before they moved in with us, and the Drs told us they could no longer live alone in front of them. My mothers response was, as expected, "What do YOU know?" My MIL had a stroke that robbed her of much of her memories about where she lived, etc. and came to us willingly - sort of. With my mother, my siblings had been aware that she needed 24 hour supervision for awhile, but were reluctant to act on it. I live in another state and happened to be visiting when she was hospitalized. I am the 'It has to be done, so let's do it now' type, so after discussing the situation with my siblings, just told her she wasn't going back to her home because the DR said she couldn't live alone anymore. Of course, she objected - called me "The Warden" and told me it would be like being in prison, but I would not be bullied. To get herself out of the hospital, she came with us, then tried to make herself enough of a pain in the neck that we would throw her out. That didn't work and after a while she settled in as much as she could settle in.

The point is that it is difficult for both you and for your parent when the roles of caretaker and child are reversed. Many of us have been through it and understand what you are going through, so don't hesitate to confide in us.

I will say a prayer for you and your father.

Sandra in Minnesota

I used an elder lawyer when my Mother went into and assisted living home and before my husband went into a nursing home. It was well worth the money - they have the insight on all the state laws that deal with Medicare, Medicaid, etc. Best of luck and I will be saying a prayer for you and your Father.

luvstoquilt

Mom and I used Elder Law in Illinois...it was expensive and I still am not sure it was worth the $10,000 it cost. She is now in Hospice care at 95 and is in assisted living with lots of care. She is very cunning and she expects me to sit by her 24/7. When I am not there she does whatever tricks she can to make me come. She falls out of bed (6" off the floor with heavy rubber mats on both sides of the bed)just as the nurse walks out of the room. She actually just sort of drops her legs off and hits the call button. I am basically a patient person but she is "pushing buttons". She once asked me why I was doing so much for her because she wouldn't have done it for me. I told her I knew that but we are just different people. I am her only living "child" so there is no one to share this burden. Thanks for listening.

Roberta

To all going through this I offer up prayers. A somewhat similar situation here in the very near future so I appreciate the responses to this.

barny

I'm at a loss to know why when we get old or have a stroke we lose our "be nice" features. But, it always happens. Just know that this isn't really how they would be if normal. I went thru this with Mother and now older Sister. She says I'm not her Sister. I just remember the fun we used to have together and know it really isn't how she would be if normal.

Grace MooreLinker

Sorry to hear that your mother put you through this, my children's father did the same with me. I stopped working to take care of him rather than send him to a care home. He made my life hell alot of times, but I was as stubborn as he was, cried by myself ,after he passed away, I still felt I had done the right thing by caring for him.
God bless you

w1613s

To all of you who responded to Grace creates, thank you.

We are going through a similar situation here and your advice and stories add up to immense support for us.

Bless all of you and, again, thank you.

Pat