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  • have you stayed with your child when they had their first child

    Old 05-24-2011, 02:32 PM
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    Hosta's Avatar
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    to help out? I can't decide if I should volunteer to go to Maryland to help out because I know the other grandma probably won't. Should I just ask them if they want me for a couple weeks or wait and see if they ask me?
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:36 PM
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    I wouldhave loved to have had my mom around when I hadmy kids. I would just offerthen seewhat they say.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:37 PM
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    Is this your son or your daughter? I think it makes a difference. My DD is expecting her second child soon. Her MIL has volunteered to stay for a while but DD isn't too thrilled about it. However, she's counting on me coming to help. I'd ask and see what response you get. Just let them know you're available if needed.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:37 PM
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    What you do is say you are coming and wait for the response. Judge you decision by what is said. You might get a big thank you or a lukewarm response. The lukewarm response might make you decide to just stay a few days until she is back up on her feet.

    I was going to stay with daughter for a day or two, but could not put up with the dogs and other things. So we came home after one day. But, we did not have to go so far, just a two hour drive by car.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:38 PM
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    Maybe I'm bad, but I never asked - I just said I was coming to help and I got no resistance - in fact, both my daughter and my SIL were VERY happy to hear that. My mother lived near me when I had my kids and she always took a week off work and came everyday. It was a Godsend. She cleaned, did laundry, grocery shopped and cooked. I was able to go to my older daughter's on a daily basis, but my young one lived in MD when her first was born and I stayed a little longer than a week and when the second was born, just a few months ago at their home upstate NY I went for nearly 2 weeks. Both times, she cried when I left. So, make that call - tell them you'd like to come if they will have you.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:42 PM
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    My son and wife asked me to come all three times. Her mother lives closer, but not as able to do what I can do. It is the most wonderful kind of exhaustion.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:43 PM
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    id say offer but dont be disipointed if she says no.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:57 PM
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    I told my kids if they wanted help I would be there. all they have to do is ask. Otherwise i keep my nose out.

    most chose to do it alone, they felt they needed to establish their own routine.(DH and i felt the same when we had ours) The kids all know we will be there if they need us.
    I don't like the assumption some have that the new parents "don't know what to do" or "can't handle" it. i have more confidence in my kids that that. they are all quite capable of taking care of themselves AND a baby.
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    Old 05-24-2011, 02:59 PM
    Join Date: Mar 2011
    Location: Ft.Riley area Kansas
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    My sister just had her first and is grateful that my hubby and I are going to be staying with her while we move. BUT, we're very close and I told her very clearly what my expectations were and asked what exactly I could do to help. It's boiling down to me cooking and keeping the baby while she naps. She rejected offers from everyone else...and I think it's because she knows she can be blunt and honest with me and I won't be hurt if she needs to have a little time to be mad.
    I think if you're going to "impose" make sure you ask and go to truly help out. (My sister had offers where what they really wanted to do was hold and play with the baby and expected her to do everything.) Maybe you could even let them know how you intend to help or ask how you can. Really set the boundaries and expectations. Emotions can run a little hot and cold after giving birth...for both parents.
    I hope it all works out. If anything enjoy your time with the new baby and CONGRATS!!!
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    Old 05-24-2011, 03:03 PM
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    From my MIL, no, she is sweet. But Mothering styles are extremely different. From my mother, it would have been a blessing. Like minds.

    From MIL, there is too much friction on how a baby should and should not be taken care of. Two women raised differently on how a child should be raised, even in the best of relationships, this can be an issue.

    I would exactly like ScrappyCats said. Just say "hey im coming" see if you get a "great!" or a "hmmm, were going to be busy....."
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